eRamblings

Things have been going really well for me lately. I find myself in this predicament I haven’t been in for quite some time.

I’m happy.

Life is good.

And I’m scared shitless. Waiting for something to go wrong. Just waiting. Expecting the worst. And yet, I am trying to push that fear aside to focus on the fact that it feels good. So damn good. To feel this happy. This content.

Work is good. I am doing well. In both jobs. Still a bit new to the second job, but I am loving it. Such a contrast to my first job. I love it. Never really feels like work. A really good choice for a second job.

Life at home is peaceful. I am preparing to move in a bit to a spectacular apartment. One I have been waiting for awhile. Where I can spread out and dig in at home. Dare I say it, grow some roots.

I’ve quit smoking.

I’m getting excited for the holidays.

My sister is coming around and a bit like her old self. We are getting along and actually talking. My niece is happy and worry-limited.

The kitties are happy and well. (on a diet though)

I’m not only paying my bills way on time, but saving for a raining day. (or maybe just to pay for my VW breaks next year)

The lawsuit is coming along from my car accident last year and my wrist that was broken is feeling a bit more normal most days.

The relationship (is it really a relationship, I don’t know, but what else do you call it?) is going well too. It is so strange to be with someone where it is so easy, so nice. No fighting. No stress. No chaos. No questioning everything I say, everything he implies. Just simplicity. I mean, my mom and I went through my scrapbooking stuff to organize and condense so that I wouldn’t have to move a bunch of crap and I came across a load of memories. Pictures and things from my marriage. Cards from my ex and his son. For a bit it hurt, hurt like hell that it didn’t work, but in the end when I really thought about it. It was a good thing. I am so much happier. I hope he is too. I hope he finds a peace too.

How long could this possibly go on? Or do I deserve this after such a crappy year? Does anyone really deserve happiness, peace? Or is it something we make?

I just don’t know.

But I am able to admit. I am scared.

If my life continued like this, with small bumps in the road ahead, I would be okay. I would be able to say I was satisfied with life. Something I never thought I would be able to utter. But it’s so true. I am content. I am at peace. It feels so incredibly good I want to bottle it. And yet, I find myself relishing in it, so much so that that nagging feel wells up at the most inopportune time and brings me insecurity. Insecurities I don’t want to feel or think about. I try to console myself. I want to stay in the moment, if it really does only last a little while longer, I don’t want to have missed it by worrying. But goodness, it can be so hard to quiet that inner voice, the one that doesn’t think it’s possible to be happy.

I was at work the other day and as I come around this corner these two ladies were strolling around with their cart of product. As I ask them how they are doing, the woman starts to place an empty drink on the shelf behind a box. I think I stopped mid How are you and my face just completely slacks into shock and turns into Can I throw that away for you? She had the decency to look guilty. Especially when I took two steps away from her to toss it in the trash. I mean come on!! You have a cart, stash it in there til you see a trash or another person working there. What would this woman do if her kid did this at home? Or at her best friend’s house? I’m guessing this wouldn’t happen. But here is a grown woman, in public, maybe because it wasn’t her home - just leaving a drink wherever she damn pleases?

WHY do people feel this is okay?

Is it really because (as a girlfriend of mine used to say when I was younger) there’s a person for that job?

Are customer service people really supposed to clean up completely after inconsiderate lazy people?

Check out Misguided Mommy for the other side of this conversation. (love you bunches Misguided Mommy, swear, even if you are an unshopper - lol)

I haven’t been blogging for some very good reasons. I have been living too much to have time to blog. Don’t feel I have left you or am ignoring you. Honestly I am constantly blogging in my head. It just never makes it to an actual post.

I start my new (second) job tomorrow morning. I am way excited. (if I wasn’t so damn tired) I am ready. The people are oh so nice and the customers are way different than the ones I deal with at my first job. I think I will actually be able to breath and relax and enjoy working at this job because it is a much more tranquil atmosphere. So much of the focus is centered around helping the customers and not so much task. (oh thank god) Plus I get to forgo the uniform and wear pretty clothes, heels and my make-up will not be in jeopardy of melting off from sweating from running around all idotic like.

The schedule will take some getting used to as I will go from my second job to my first job for a couple of days a week (and vice versa)  but I will be earning my way to have the greatest apartment EVER! If you could see this place, you would know it is SO worth it.

RANDOM STORY -

These four guys came into work last night and were basically looking around all dumb like they just couldn’t find a damn thing. I kept asking if I could help find stuff for them and they kept asking me for things that were right in front of them. They were so nice that I gave up working and decided to walk around helping them shop for stuff. They were in town basically vacationing to get some golfing done. Oh and they wanted beer. After talking to them for fifteen minutes or so, I asked, “Where are you from that you have that wonderful accent?” One of the guys turned to me and said, “Quebec. Do you know where that is?” And for half a beat I drew a blank and knew I would be found out to be stupid because I didn’t know where it was. So to buy myself time, I looked at him and said, “Well I am guessing it is out of this country?” He laughed and then it hit me - “Oh Canada. Dontcha know.” Yes, I totally made fun of the accent and they loved it. Fun guys. I had a great time. How cool is that when I get to meet great people at work? (then again, I meet some pretty awful ones too)

Raindrop (formerly casual guy) has all of a sudden been picking up the pace with spending time with me. I think - and I’m only guessing here - he may actually like me. We went from spending one afternoon/evening together to almost three to four to five afternoons/evenings together. All on his request. I am loving it. Course, I am a total quality time girl. I read this article the other day (and I, of course, believe everything I read) that said the way to tell if he is interested in you is by the times of the day a guy contacts you.I get calls/texts from him all day - mostly early morning on his work breaks and after he gets off of work and now later in the evening. Before it was only random evening times. And I would go days without hearing from him. Now he not only initiates it, but he keeps calling to see me day after day. WOOT! That’s so cool because yes, I like this guy. I have noticed one of the reasons it is so easy with Raindrop is that he and I don’t try to change each other or push our feelings/thoughts onto each other. He has this crazy weird thing about his sheets being made a certain way (the wrong way, mind you) and that he puts his pillows in front of his closet so he has to make his bed before he gets dressed in the morning. When I have discussed this with him he is very adamant about it staying that way. Personally, I find it very entertaining (really, very entertaining), but truthfully I could care less. If it makes him happy WTF do I care? I mean in the long run of things what are the truly important things? He is nice to me. He is incredibly considerate and very subtle in the ways he shows he cares. He is an adult and acts like one (well he is a guy so as much as is possible). He has two jobs and pays his bills (on time) and has goals and ambition. He works his FN ass off and has a work ethic that may very rule my own. He is a nut job about cleanliness (which coincidentally makes me a better person because my place has never been cleaner and he has yet to come over).

Blah blah blah - changing the subject because really, I could go on

I am a complete wacko about Hummus. I haven’t ever realized that there are other people out there who like it. People I know. Yet, the moment I realized I liked it people started coming out of the woodwork. Course I have been talking about it too. I eat it with Wheat Thins or when I am out, Lays potato chips. I actually buy mine at the store because they have this really nice flavor with tomatoes, but I know many people who make their own.

And I am sure there is more, but I am bushed and have to go to sleep now.

I have a couple of things I try really hard to live by (but alas, I am human, and sometimes let them go) that allow my home to be of the upmost cleanliness. Which is basically code for I won’t have to spend more than 10 minutes cleaning for at least two weeks.

• do all the mundane every day tasks (uhm) everyday - this prevents a four hour job of stuff that has piled up and drove me nuts for days on days end
  • things like dishes, putting shoes away, going through the mail
• vacuum it makes any room look better
• do it right the first time - don’t use cheater methods because I end up redoing it anyway
• make my bed - this makes my room look magnificent - and it definitely helps to have nice pretty bed spread and pillow cases

BUT THE BIG TIP OF THE DAY IS

• before I go to wash the towels I clean all the sinks in the house with that wash cloth or towel
  • this prevents using eight million little paper towels or cleaning pads (environmentally sound)
  • I get rid of all the hair and grime at least once a week
  • I don’t have little towels hanging around drying waiting to be washed because they go straight into the washer

Visit We Are That Family to read about other wonderful Works For Me Wednesday ideas (todays edition, if you missed it is about best cleaning ideas)

Going to see Toy Story & Toy Story 2 in 3D!!! And yes, I am very excited! It is a total surprise for my niece too. She has no idea we are going. WOOT!! I loved both of these movies greatly! Just honest, good fun. What a way to spend an afternoon with my girl. I do have to stop and pick up some Pizza Goldfish and grapes for a snack. Then we’ll probably go back and grab some tomato soup and cheese sandwiches for dinner. Yum!

Watching Good Morning America I came across ANOTHER media frenzy about the infamous tv reality show Jon and Kate plus eight. It kills me to see this couple who used to be a wonderful loving family eating each other alive in the media and the media loves it.

I will easily admit that I have been a lover of this show. I was sucked in from the beginning. Seeing this family together made me feel better about life in general. They had their problems (as all couples do), but I felt they did a good job handling them. I took a lesson away from each show I watched on something else I could do to be a better spouse and/or mother. It broke my heart when I saw that they were separating.And it has gotten worse with each insane article and tv appearance.

Here are my thoughts on this whole debacle -

• I find it incredibly ironic that given that Jon hates the idea of being in front of the camera (kind of the catalyst of this whole divorce - I think) is now constantly out there speaking to the press. It’s almost like Jon realized that he could use the one thing he hates against Kate to get what he wants.
• Who is the one to decide what is best for these kids? There is only the truth and then there’s Jon’s opinion and then Kate’s. Who is to say that what Jon feels or what Kate feels is best for them? Yes, they are their parents, but as far as the media goes it doesn’t look good for either one.
•  I think there is nothing wrong with making the show, Kate plus eight because at this point, Jon has made it no secret that he wants nothing to do with the show.
• I hate to admit this, simply because I have no idea what the real story (as no one but Kate and Jon do), but I feel that if Kate truly loved Jon she would have canceled the show when the trouble started when he admitted he hated being in front of the camera.
• I think actions speak louder than words so seeing Jon all over the place with other women making it no secret that he has moved on, makes me sick. He should have the decency to keep it under wraps and wait til all this crap is over to make it public. It just doesn’t help his case, though I don’t know that any of his actions have.

Here is TLC’s response to Jon’s recent public announcement.

Public comments on their family and the events to date.

Yesterday, as I was leaving for work I stepped outside and was hit with the gust of cold air. Immediately goose bumps ran up my arms and a chill snaked its way through my back and a grinchish grin covered my face. YES! I thought. It’s finally coming. No more tired heat. Winter is on the way. With it beautiful chilly weather, sweaters, camping and all the other glorious happenings.

This morning I am laying here with my patio door wide open, cool air streaming in. Both kitties are out on the patio enjoying the weather too and, I am sure, the fact that the door is open and they can come in at their own will.

This week I was offered a position at a high end retail establishment. Part time, of course. Which is great for me because it helps me get one step closer to my dream apartment - the two bedroom, ginormous kitchen apartment with amenities up the wazoo. The job, I think, will be great. The people there are way friendly and the customers are the type that come in and just want you to pick stuff out for them, converse with them and typically money is no object. For me, this is usually fun like shopping with friends. I am good at letting the easy friendliness come out and just flitter around discussing topics while tossing clothes their way. I am also stoked to be working somewhere I can wear real clothes, not a uniform. I’m talking heels, skirts and whatever else I want. I am lucky because they offered me way more than I wrote down on the application. I am pretty sure that doesn’t happen often.

My full time job this week I am basically glad the week is over. My boss has been riding my ass and I can’t seem to figure out why. I do a damn good job, but for some reason he has decided to be nitpicky. And I gotta say, we are stretched as far as we are gonna go. With our skeletal employees, limited resources and more work as the holiday season approaches, it doesn’t seem like the best idea to me to run your people into the ground. But I am doing my best to ignore it and just continue doing my job.