eRamblings

I have been saying for months now that I want to learn how to use Photoshop, Illustrator and (when I buy it) Dreamweaver. I love that I can do a few things with my photographs on Photoshop, but really I have no idea what I am doing. I don’t know if the fact that it is a Mac just makes my head spin or if I am just making it way harder than it should be.

answer - probably both

I got the little pamphlet for the local community college yesterday (which means I probably received it officially a week ago, since I only get my mail once a week - or so) and was browsing through the classes when HELLO!! a class on Mac - photoshop, dreamweaver, and other really cool marketing, web design. Which if you hadn’t noticed from the exclamation points in the last sentence I am really into.

So I went online and looked up their class times and such - not bad $99 for about six weeks of classes and instruction all at my own pace (sortof). The only problem is the classes already started and the next session doesn’t start for weeks. And we all know, I am so not patient. I was thinking last night that I actually might try to sign up for the one that already started and just catch up - then I remembered this lady and thought “I’ll bet I can find something free online”. because she used to do these sample classes that taught about little photoshop details. (was I paying attention then? uhm, no. I think I was working on a pc then.)

Here’s what I found -

Web page template

Blog tutorial

And since I don’t really like to follow rules when creating something I made a new blog header last night. I even (gasp) changed the color to green (to match Izabel’s eyes). I am more of a take what I learn and go in a similar direction of my choosing. I call it hypocritical creating.

I am planning on making a new blog template to suit my needs of a white background and green (or red) words so that my mom can read my blog better. What could be more important that making mom happy?

Problem is I hit a wall and couldn’t figure out how to put an outline around my font. It is a little hard to read against the brown bottom. I even pulled up HELP in photoshop. Apparently, outline isn’t a general word for that program. I tried calling up my knowledge of Corel Draw, but just couldn’t figure it out. No matter how much I loved that Tuesday (my suggly cat) was laying half across the keyboard, keeping me company and, I imagine, learning by osmosis. I gave in and went to bed.

Prognosis. Free is good but it leaves out a few key details. I may have to break down and watch the tutorial. I am a little horrified at this thought. It seems too easy.

Here is what NOT to do on the day of a SIX hour class followed by a TWO hour exam -

go to bed really late (the night before)

set alarm while lights are off and almost asleep (the night before)

do not preset the coffee machine (the night before)

wake up at the time I’m supposed to leave

skip (or miss) breakfast and coffee

not take the time to pack my purse and bag with all the necessary tools

drive in the carpool lane (when there’s only me in the car)

park and run into the building next to the building where the class is

forget to pack an extra #2 pencil (or a pencil sharpener)

Here’s what to do on the day of a SIX hour class followed by a TWO hour exam -

take a two second shower

pick out clothes the night before

drive in the carpool lane (when there’s only me in the car)

pat myself on the back for showing up two minutes before instructor locks the doors

grab apple juice when realize coffee carafe is empty

shove a donut down throat in 2.4 seconds

call parent’s during 10 minute break before exam begins because if I don’t calm down I will definitely hyperventilate (thank the dear lord that parent’s are extremely funny)

I am not sure if this is reverse karma or what because I rarely did this in high school or college. If I overslept or missed a class entirely I did it with full knowledge and intention of the consequences. I am also wondering if this is another form of celebrating “the year of fun” as I am calling 2009.

I feel I should tell you that I do not ever drive in the carpool lane without another person in the car. I swear. I am very good about following the rules and very concerned about getting caught. I also should note I did not drive in the carpool lane the entire drive - not that this makes it any less palatable, but I feel better.

Today I spent the entire day listening to (and talking about) food borne illnesses, fecal matter, good hygienics and all other things that make vomit rise in the back of my throat. Seriously the one thing I can definitely tell you is if you want to lose weight - the way to go is to take a Food Safety class.  I will never look at food the same way nor will I ever smirk at my father (again) for reprimanding me for not washing my hands long enough. I will, however, be even more horrified at the parent’s who tell their child “not to worry about washing their hands because they are in a hurry and have been waiting for five minutes for them.” (and yes, this happens all the time - work in retail people, it really opens your eyes)

Highlights -

When washing your hands, you should turn on faucet, put soap on hands, rub soap into hands, rinse hands under hot water for 20 seconds (sing happy birthday song twice) and then get paper towel and dry hands, then using towel turn off faucet AND open door. Throw paper towel in trash after you have opened the door and not touched door with hands.

Most food borne illnesses can be prevented simply by washing hands as described above.

60% of food diseases are produced in food cooked (and served) in a retail establishment. CODE: eat at home; prep take out food at home;

If you see ONE BUG, there are a million you can’t see (haven’t seen; reside there). Seeing is way past time of discovery. Look for other signs - fecal matter, grease spots on wall, nests, chewing or bite marks in boxes.

Food allergens - milk, eggs, wheat, tree nuts, peanuts, fish, shellfish and soy.

Foods that are high risk to food borne illnesses are high in protein, low acidity, moist foods and perishable.

And that is probably enough to make you stop eating all together - for awhile anyway.

The most important thing I learned today had nothing at all to do with the class or exam. Well, maybe correlates to them.

I have come a long way in becoming aware of and coping with my anxiety.

My mother said it best, “My boss will think twice about sending me to these things because I always come back with a wealth of knowledge and a lot of changes to make.”

P.S. Thanks again, mom and dad, you guys were a life saver! Totally enjoyed listening to you guys prattle on and make me laugh when I felt my heart may beat it’s way out of my chest from sheer panic that I would fail the test.

It takes 21 days to start a habit - so they say.

It has been 21 days since I quit smoking. I will freely admit without ANY type of cheating. No quick little puffs. No digging through the butts (ew, but seriously been done before).  This not cheating thing I am very proud of. Every time in the past I have cheated. I do have a friend at work who is also trying to quit who has been kind enough to pass me a stick of Nicorette gum a couple of times to kill the really bad shakes. Tastes like crap but definitely helped get me through a couple of really tough evenings.

I have pushed myself outside. Into the sea of cravings and habitual times. But stayed strong. My love of the outdoors has made that possible. Although I have made sure to surround myself with people who do not smoke. I don’t feel the need to push myself into to much pressure. A little at a time is good. Lately it is really just a fleeting thought.

Every time I think about it a quiver goes through my body and this grin spreads across my face that just won’t go away. It is so wonderful to know I am getting through this.

I have wanted to quit for years. For so many years, I have hated the smell, the taste, the habit itself. It sucks up my life and my time. I will say my favorite part was the camaraderie that was built over the ash tray no matter what I was. But we are a dying breed, literally and at $8 a pack I am saving at least $32 a week.

Savings of over $120 a month.

Not hacking and coughing.

Being able to breath at night.

Better chance of iving longer - priceless.

AND I QUOTE -

If better is possible, good is not enough.

Holy sh*t! If this isn’t the quote for me. I just about fell over when I saw this written on a plaque in a store. No I didn’t buy it. I just wrote down the quote. (because that’s how I roll)

This is how I feel about everything in life. Why would I settle for less than the best, if I know (the best) is out there?

Ever since I can remember I have romanticized New England (ie: Connecticut). It looks so incredibly wonderful in movies, pictures and just about every where else. I love the magazine Cottage Living. The homes are incredible. I watch the travel channel and get psyched when they program about New England homes. I am not afraid of snow, but then again I haven’t really had to deal with it all that much; not a New England type of snow. I love the large thick trees and the beautiful changing leaves. It would be great to get some real culture - some history. The closest I have come to visiting the East Coast is Florida or maybe Minnesota, but neither of those are close. I have never been nor do I know much more than I have seen or read. Whenever I mention to people that I would love to live in CT, PA, RI or MA they all say, “You know it’s cold right?” Uhm, thanks I hadn’t realized that.

And certainly now is the best time ever to move cross country, if ever. Yet, I have been talking about doing this for years now. It would be so crazy for me to move all by myself. I wouldn’t know anyone or anything about the area. But I’m not shy and I seem to make friends easily - sort of. I am 30 years old and have only stayed in a hotel room by myself once. Whenever I do something like this I go with people or have help. I usually try to have some sort of life line. If I moved all the way over to the East I wouldn’t have one. I am realizing just how spoiled I am; how protected I have been.

There’s this guy at work who is from Bulgaria. He moved to America when he was 40; all by himself. He just got on a boat, came over here without knowing a lick of English. (at least I can speak the language) He then chose to go out of his comfort zone and move to the West where he would be forced to learn English whereas if he stayed in the East he would continue to inhabit around his people. I can’t even imagine.

So please tell me, if you live anywhere in or near (or have visited) New England please let me know where you recommend I relocate. Let me have it - the good, the bad, the ugly.

I am not sure what is more pathetic

the fact that I had to blow the dust off my camera

or

the fact that I had to charge my battery before I could take a picture

It has been that long since I picked up my camera. I forgot how good it felt to hold the thing. How amazing it made me feel - I take deeper breaths. I appreciate the world that much more - it’s beauty and all it holds. In my mind, I am constantly snapping pictures of things I think are different or stunning. It is such a creative outlet for me.

I pretty much walked around with my camera today taking random snapshots of whatever caught my eye.

Okay I am getting pissed about this particular subject. It keeps coming up no matter where I am. It is aggravating and I am starting to feel like biting back.

I am constantly laughing off the comments like -

You are so skinny.

Or

Go home and eat a little will ya?

Or

You are whittling away to nothing.

Or

Don’t you sit at home and eat like the rest of us?

And all I can think is, if I were fat, short, big feet (whatever) you wouldn’t be standing there saying, “You are so fat. You should cut back on the food intake.” Or other rude things.

Is it really okay to comment on my weight because I am skinny? Isn’t that just as much harassment as calling someone fat? Or is it socially okay to comment because I’m skinny? Do they honestly feel that it is okay to constantly berate someone for being skinny like they are complimenting me?

What gives people the right to comment on my figure, my stature no matter what size I am?

I use the word fat, but honestly I don’t really believe in that word - or skinny for that matter. I believe that people are beautiful if they are happy and confident. And I see it too. My sister is a prime example. She is absolutely the most beautiful woman when she has meat on her bones. I have seen her underweight and over and I would choose over any day because when she has curves, she is voluptuous and stunning. She attracts men like bees to honey - not because she is a certain size, but because she is confident with who she is.

This is my size. I am sorry if it isn’t the size you want to see me in. It sucks, if you feel like I am too skinny for you, but for me, I am happy. I rarely miss a meal. I love food. I swam competitively for ten years, on two swim teams. I smoked for eleven years. You name it. There are so many reasons for me being this size, none of which are any of your business.

But the fact of the matter is, is it really okay to comment on someone’s weight no matter what their size?

I don’t really think this is a compliment. Is that vain? I don’t think so. I want to be appreciated for who I am; the real me. Just like everyone else. And this size is the real me (no matter what size I am). People have no right to judge me or comment on my size.

I am not going to go to work, where one of my coworker’s hair happens to look like they stuck their finger in a light socket and comment on it. If a friend gives you a ride in their car that is filled with trash, would you say, Wow what happened? Your car looks like shit. Probably not. I would refrain from commenting.

But if it is the positive situation - her hair looks great; their car is really clean and smells good. We comment on it, right?

I hate to say this because I know it will bring a cacophony of comments, but being skinny isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t have hips or curves to speak of. My pants fall off my waist all the time. And JLo or Beyonce - well there is little butt here to insure. Before low waisted pants, I shopped in the guy section for jeans because women jeans came with built in hips (and inside I felt like they were only for REAL women, which I wasn’t one because I didn’t fit in them). When I was growing up, I would wear a dress and look like a boy in a t-shirt. My bones stick out in unruly places. Really I could go on, but the fact of the matter is -

I like my body. I like who I am. And it would be great if people didn’t feel the need to comment on it. Whether they think they are complimenting me or not.

Oddly this easter became like a birthday, it lasted the entire week.

Last weekend I went shopping for my niece’s easter basket. I knew I would want to do something special for her and I thought it would be nice to do this for my parent’s (since they have been so busy), but also because I had spied a few really awesome kid toys that I knew she would love. I am definitely one of those people who prefers to give little gifty things rather than an entire basket of chocolate and candy. I know they can get that at school. I do not worry that the little toys will probably break by the end of the week because it is just for the holiday and she has way too many toys as it is. Needent make more. My parent’s threw in a couple things as well and viola a nice touch on a basket. (not to mention, my mom does a mean basket wrap with a bow and all)

Tuesday, I picked up my niece from school and we went to my parent’s house to dye eggs. Now I have tried quite a few egg dying kits and most of them do not work. Ticks me off to have to deal with a kid that is sad and pissed that the stickers don’t stick, the dye isn’t transformer blue or whatnot. This year I went with the traditional dye kit (well the deluxe edition) which has a cool metal spoon, about ten colors, five wraps, a package of stickers and a few of those paper egg stands.

This year I actually read the directions for the kit. Imagine what I could do if I actually did this with everything. I managed to boil the eggs while my niece read for 30 minutes (standard homework) so that when she was ready we were able to jump right in it. It was fun, easy and no major spills. I forget (how I have no idea) how easy going that little girl is. I also learned a valuable tip for the plastic wraps - keep the water that the eggs were boiled in, slide the plastic wrap over the egg, then using a spoon lower the egg into the hot water and roll the egg around until the wrap is completely suctioned to the egg. This was so much easier than last year, boiling a cup of water in the microwave for each egg wrap.

I also made deviled eggs while my niece played Wii with my dad.

Weeks ago I started looking up the easter egg hunt parks. I was prepared and shockingly enough I had the weekend before easter off, which is usually the time they have these events. But no, as luck would have it they planned these on the same weekend as Easter. Who does that? Really! So I adjusted my work schedule so that I could take my niece to the park before I went to work that day. Bit hectic, but so worth it.

When I woke up that morning, I was so surprised to see it pouring rain. Not just raining, but pouring. My first thought was damn it I exchanged a closing shift for this? Then after a shower and coffee I realized I could still make a day of it. I picked up my niece and we went to the movies. I took her to see Monsters VS Aliens and we stopped at a store to buy a drink and easter candy. If she couldn’t fill up on candy at a park hunt, then she was going to be able to do it at a movie. This is the movie to see! It was so funny and very cute. Very worth the money. Five stars in my book and my niece talked about it the entire ride.

When we got out of the movie, it was only dripping with rain. My niece suggested we drive by the park and see if they had it up and running. I was doubtful, but didn’t’ think it could hurt to look. When we got there it was in full production - despite the rain. We delved through the crowds, played all the wonderful old fashioned games (bean bag throw, egg on spoon relay, potato sack race). We ate hot dogs and listened to a religious easter puppet show (what’s easter without a little religion?). And just when I thought I would have to drag her away before the easter egg hunt just to make my work shift, they announced that it would be starting. She was so excited, she could hardly stand still. Auntie I see a couple of golden eggs right there. Auntie I don’t know if I should break the ribbon or go under it. Auntie I don’t have a basket.

I have learned that a plastic baggie works a million times better than a real easter basket for these kinds of things simply because the kids are running and shoving and dropping eggs as they go. The announcer had said that they had hid golden eggs that contained actually cash. She was on a mission. I lost her in the crowd of kids. I stayed where I was in hopes she would remember where she started and come back to me.  When I finally spotted her, her bag was not very full.

How did it go?

I couldn’t find the golden eggs.

She was a little disappointed, but I could see she had a blast. Afterward I hustled her out of there so I could get to work on time.

When it comes to Easter business this year, all I can say is, if you didn’t shop early you probably missed out. By Friday we were completely out of baskets and egg dying kits. By Sat noon we were completely out of plastic eggs and most of the candy. I could not believe how empty the shelves were. People were hustling in and out of the five aisles like it was the end of the world. At one point in the night, I could tell customers were just throwing stuff in their carts to have something easter like. Many parent’s were smart enough to work outside the easter specific and get regular boxed candy.

I loved all the comments -

Don’t you have any more plastic eggs?

I can’t find the Cadbury eggs?

I don’t see any baskets, do you have them somewhere else?

You would think you would have ordered more easter stuff.

I just put on my sad face and said, we’re all out. And then to myself, you think you would have shopped earlier.

None of it really bothered me. People were frustrated that there wasn’t enough product; that they hadn’t thought to shop in time; they had to work all week. I get it. I understand. But from a retail business view, we put out the holiday product at least a month in advance (xmas is at least three to four months earlier) and the holiday is around the same time every year. It isn’t like a week ago, someone announced Easter will be the following Sunday this year. Then again, I am a planner. I like to shop early. I like to know my stuff is done in advance. I don’t have to worry, I can relax and know I am ready.

It doesn’t mean I am better or perfect, it just means I got the better pick of stuff.

Why does it always get cold right around 3 or 4am? I am totally sleeping comfortably in my cocoon and this coolness starts slipping below the comforter. It wraps itself around me and then chills my skin til it sneaks in my bones and wakes me up. It take forever to get back to sleep without putting on another blanket. Someone please explain what is up with this phenomenon.

It isn’t as if my ac suddenly turns on at this time.

It isn’t that my windows are open letting the cool air in.

No fan is on.

Where does this cool air come from and why is it usually around 3 or 4 am?

My parent’s had a garage sale this past weekend. They were kind enough to call me to tell me to come over and go through the boxes I had stored at their house from when I moved out of my ex-husband’s house otherwise they would just push them out in the sale itself. I was a little miffed because I hadn’t planned on actually looking at those boxes (let alone thinking of them) for at least another year or so. How rude of them! And then I had the gall to tell them I would come over on my day off and go through them while they had their garage sale so that my mom and I could go shoe shopping afterward. What was I thinking?

I showed up a little after 8am. Fuck it was early, but I couldn’t sleep. Although I didn’t like rush right over or anything. For the first couple of hours, people were incredibly pleasant and pretty realistic about bargaining. I spent some time actually going through my boxes (even I was shocked) and found out that three of the boxes I didn’t even want anymore, so I just shoved them out onto the driveway. One of the boxes had old shoes and clothes I didn’t even want to consider, so I wrote 25¢ each on the lid. Hello, people actually buy shoes and clothes at a garage sale. I just would never. I have weird cootie, hebbie jebbie thoughts about wearing someone elses old clothes - I mean I don’t even know where they (clothes or person) have been. Ack! Not to say I don’t wear hand-me downs, but they come from people I know and trust.

After awhile I decided to put my wedding dress out for sale. I printed a couple of pictures and put a description with a fair (okay way too low) price. Everyone looked at it, but no bites. I think it was too late for such a high price. I stood there in the driveway trying not to think about it. It was dry cleaned and put in this wonderful box for preservation. It looked so beautiful even in that box. I used to want to put it it on because I loved that dress so much, but I knew they would commit me if I was caught wearing that dress around the house. I love that dress. I remember seeing a dress in a magazine that I fell in love with. It was a designer dress selling for $9,000. I knew that wasn’t going to happen, but I tore out the page anyway just because. When I went dress shopping, I found all these dresses that were nice. When I walked up to the dressing room, hanging next to the door was a dress that looked almost exactly like that one in the magazine. I asked if I could try it on, they said yes. I waited til the last dress to try it on because i knew I would be disappointed. It was a size 4, Oleg Cassini designer. It fit like a glove, no alterations required. And there were only two in the entire store. It was $1000 and way more than I planned to spend, but I knew I would be heartbroken if I walked away from this. I knew I would think about it forever. When I called my fiance he said to get it because he knew me. And with that I bought the darn thing. I am not a princess, not in anyway at all, but this was one fabulous princess dress. And I knew every time I walked by another bride in Vegas, that I was more beautiful than they were. It is sad, really. Saying goodbye to  the happiest day of my life (so far). People say that all the time, that their happiest day was their wedding day, but I am serious when I say that. There was so much love there and it was an incredible day. I am getting ready to change my name back too. All in good time.

As the day wore on people got worse. I’ll give you $1 for all three of these things. Not just insulting, but unbelieveable. They didn’t sell as much as they would have liked, but got rid of a good portion. I get the bartering, but it gets to a point where you want to say, Really people why don’t I just give it to you because it is that ridiculous.

It is times like these that I can tell I have grown up just a bit more. Without complaining, I woke up early went over to my parent’s house, cleaned out boxes, helped with the sale and then helped box everything back up and clean. Before I would have complained all day if I even got out there and helped. I also would have asked for food or something. I actually enjoyed myself.

(day 7 and not one slip, not even a little bit)