eRamblings

I realized the other day that I have an affinity for allowing people into my life who have an uncanning knack for cutting me out of their lives without any second thought to me or our relationship. They do it when we get into an argument, the do it when we lose connection for awhile; they do it when there’s miscommunication. You name it. They just simply act like I am no longer alive. I see them in public and they are cordial, but most of the time they look the other way. When I call, they don’t call back. It isn’t that they are bad people either. It is just how they have learned to cope in a difficult situation.

I don’t get it.

How have I allowed this to happen so many times, with some many different people? How is it that I have not seen this pattern in the past before?

It’s really ironic because I am the complete opposite. I can’t ignore people or the situation. Quite the contrary. I am a fighter. I am the one who will do anything to keep it going. I am the one who will run through the airport to ask one final time for that person to not leave. I am the one who will apologize for whatever happened even if it is not my fault.

What is up with that?

In doing this, I open myself up to rejection on a constant basis. It hurts. It is so incredibly painful and I feel so alone when this happens. I am guessing (not to go freudian or anything), but I probably developed my coping mechanism of rejecting people before they reject me. I push their buttons, make them angry, and whatnot just to get them to leave before they ever stop caring about me. If I reject them first at least it is on my terms. I am not saying this is good either.

I would like to figure out how to see the signs of these types of people before I get sucked into caring for them.

I have finally figured out how to not reject other people first. I have at least conquered one of my coping mechanism. But I feel these go hand in hand. It’s just a matter of figuring out the other piece to this.

How do I spot a person who can shut people out like a light switch?

Last night was crazy. I could actually watch the hairs stand up on the back of my cat’s neck. Their ears would stand straight up and their eyes would dilate to large black saucers in seconds. It would go quiet suddenly, then without warning the doors would be sucked back into the frames, a loud whistling would go on for minutes at a time, the trees would scrape against the windows. A wonderfully thrilling cycle of nature that went on for most of the night. Probably longer, but I went to bed kind of early. Since it was storming outside, the cats (bless their little hearts) went to bed early too. They both laid as close to me as possible because heaven forbid the nasty wind noise get them.

A new thing I am hooked on right now. They are oh so good and yummy. I have been a long standing Pop Tart girl (blueberry, no other flavor), but since I now work in the market section all I do all day is look at food. One day I broke down and decided to try them (cherry flavor). OMG!!! I am so hooked. They are so good. It is like Toaster Strudels are fatty lard and Pop Tarts are just simply bread. Course that doesn’t sound so good. I am assuming they are really bad for me, but whatever. They taste good. And are a nice alternative to cereal. And very good with coffee.

I planted two plants a couple of weeks ago. I have tried to remember to water them, but well, yeah that hasn’t been so successful. They require sunlight, so I put them in the front window - where coincidentally I forget they are there. But I am trying. So far I have yet to see anything growing, except the cat hair that is attached to everything. Usually I can grow something til I have to repot it, then it dies almost immediately. I am tempted to bring my plant into work and ask one of the garden guys replant it for me because I know they would do that for me, but isn’t that just kind of lame?

I have not only picked a date to quit smoking, but also went to my gen practitioner and asked for help. She talked me through all the alternatives - the patch (I am allergic to adhesives); the gum (dear god, just put crap in my mouth); pills (not a fan, but maybe).  I just knew I needed help. Quitting cold turkey just is so hard and I have failed at cold turkey many a times. We settled on Wellbuteral (or the generic anyway). I take one pill for 3-5 days while continuing to smoke as normal, then start taking two a day until I decide I don’t need the pills anymore and then I can ween myself off them. The other option was a pill that apparently has crazy side effects and can wreak havoc on hormones. Crazy hormones run in my family, so I don’t need anymore thankyouverymuch.

My quit smoking day is April 1st. I though it an appropriate date (ironic, but not too far away). The point really is to get my head around the fact that on this date I will no longer be smoking. I can smoke to my hearts content up to that day, but on April 1st, I am done. No more. I quit. And holy crap I am scared. I am worried I can’t do it because I have realized what a crutch I have allowed smoking to be for me. When I am scared, I smoke; nervous, angry, content - pretty much any feeling, I smoke. But the real reason I smoke is to keep myself busy because otherwise I would know how much of my time I am by myself. Not quite alone, but more lonely. Wow there’s a vulnerability revealed. I am confident I can do this. More importantly I am very excited to quit. I am tired of the smell, the fact that my nose is always so swollen shut I can’t breathe and my eyes water and burn. I am tired of the affect it has on my TMJ and health. I am tired of feeling gross and guilty for doing something I know can really hurt me and those around me. It has become a cross I bear and in silence I tell myself it is something I allow myself, one major fault I have, one bad thing I do (since I feel like such a good girl).

In reality I know I am only fooling myself.

April 1st

I am wrapping up my hand therapy and whittling down to just two appointments a week. I should be completely done sometime in May. I am was very excited until it dawned on me that my hand is not completely done healing. I can tell it isn’t 100%. Then I was confused. Shouldn’t I be feeling like my hand is almost back to normal if I am almost done?

Apparently not.

It will take up to (or over) a year for my hand to completely heal.

If it heals completely.

I can tell, though that both my hand therapist and the rolfing specialist are preparing me in their not so subtle ways that this may be it. This may be how my hand works forever.

I am devastated. I want to tell myself it doesn’t really matter, but it does. What I have now is ok. It works. But I can tell a huge difference in my left hand (the gauge of normalcy) and my right hand (the one that broken in my car accident).  I can’t bend my hand all the way back nor forward. And my grip is still very weak. My fingers don’t straighten all the way. I know the grip will come in time, strengthening just does. But can it really just manifest itself into bending back and forward with normal work and not special therapy? I can’t imagine.

My hand therapist seems to think so. I would love to just let it go and not worry about it. Honestly I am sure I will eventually forget what it felt like before it was broken. At this time I am so — what is the word?

??

How can I deal with the fact that some guy who wasn’t paying attention, turned right in front of me and has changed my life forever?

It’s not that big of a deal. I know that.

But my subconscience is in total shock.

I am trying to tell myself all the positive - It could have been so much worse. I could have lost my hand completely. I could have died. He could not have had insurance. He could have not admitted fault. This list could go on forever at how lucky I am.

But the fact is right now I am trying to deal with the simple fact that my hand will never be the same. I may never be able to sit down on the grass and lean back at a baseball game - on my hands. I may never be able to wedge my hand into small spaces and grasp that little, annoying whatchmacallit out from its hiding space (i used to be so good at this). I may never be able to open a door without using my elbow to assist. Even scratching that hard to reach place on my back sucks.

I don’t want to wallow, but OMG how can I not take a second and ponder the fact that my hand will be at 80% for who knows how long. And really, no one knows if I will ever be able to get back what was taken from me.

For the past three or four years I have bought a plastic sun tea jar every summer to hold iced tea and/or water. Each and every year I break it. Last year I bought two of them in hopes one would survive. I lost one of them about four months ago and the other one seems to be on it’s last leg. I am bummed because it will be at least another three months before the stores will start selling them. I usually pay somewhere between $8 and $14 a piece. They work pretty darn well and they are light. Lately I carry the jug to the bottled water dispenser in the apartment complex and fill it up. It is convenient and fits in my fridge nicely. They just don’t have a great staying life. They get knocked around and crack; the spigot drips or rotates til it comes off.

This year I was thinking maybe I would try to find a nicer jar that maybe would last longer. I have been doing a little bit of online research and found that most of the jars are glass with a plastic spigot. I am not so hip to owning a glass jar because I tend to break things. Bad karma for a klutz, but these are just so nice. I am also not so keen on paying shipping either. I don’t need a stand simply because it will remain in my fridge. What happened to being able to go down to my local store and buy something? There are stores all over the place, when did they stop carrying the basics? I was thinking one of the kitchen stores would have them. No. Maybe Target or Walmart? No.

Here’s what I found online.

Gallon Jar with Spigot

Spigot Jug

I was wondering if anyone had an ideas.

Some things that have been running through my mind the last couple of weeks. Little things. The things that at first I think, whatever. Eventually though I am like, WTF?!

I blink my eyes, roll over to the edge of the bed feeling around on the floor for my soft, fuzzy socks only to remember in the early hour that I did laundry last night and never actually got a new pair out. I stumble over to the dresser and pull out a fresh, warm pair and slide them on my cold toes and feet. Following the hungry kitties into the kitchen I stand in front of the fridge looking for their container of canned organic pumpkin only to look down and realize I am standing in ice cold water - in my new socks. Damn.

Standing in line at the bakery (or wherever really) and having the person behind me not only brush up against me once, but touch me in some way every couple of seconds. I slowly turn around and they either completely ignore me or apologize in some fake manner. Only to turn around and have them continue to brush up against me. This is when the completely irrational person in me wants to yell at the top of my lungs, in public, QUIT TOUCHING ME!

When people (customers) go into a retail shop and yell at the menial people who work there because something the company does do (or does not do) annoys them even though we all know these little people who simply work there have absolutely no pull at corporate whatsoever. Fill out a comment card or something.

To have a kitty cat that pees right next to the litter box - while looking directly at me. Even though the litter box is clean, but not so clean; full of litter but not so full . . .

When I go to the video store to pick up a tv series (like Big Love) instead of getting one video with the entire season on it, there are eight with three shows each. What is that all about? When I buy these tv seasons in the store they are sold as one box set, but when I rent them all of a sudden they are broken up into eight rentals.

I love St Patrick’s Day for one major reason - the food of the day is SO good! I love corned beef, steamed cabbage and potatoes. YUM!! Every year I go to the same jewish deli for either lunch or dinner. They have an all you can eat entree that is just perfect for me. I end up with leftovers for the rest of the week. One of the few times I actually look forward to leftovers.

The last two years my parents have come with me. Last year I practically had to drag them out. This year I was so surprised when they both emphatically agreed. We had such a good time. I tried my dad’s corned beef sandwich with a little (very little) bit of mustard and found that the man can seriously order. I don’t always enjoy what I order (except at this one deli) and I am starting to think I might just have him order for me in the future wherever we go. We had such a good time, we even stayed for dessert which we really don’t do anymore.

My mother and I then hopped over to Sears and Target. I stopped into Charlotte Russe and bought the cutest dress. A splurge really, but I have been in the lookout for a dress that can go from day to night time without a lot of fuss. I now have four dresses that I love. Two long and two short. The two long dresses are almost exactly the same, but one is black and one is yellow. The both have spagetti straps and are soft and flowy. The one short dress is a sleeveless t-shirt material with thick straps. It is striped white and green. I actually wore it the other day over a white tee like a jumper. The other short dress is strapless cream with flowers across the top and bottom. It is so pretty and girly. I just love it. It will look great with both a jean jacket or the beautiful brown cardigan my mom hand knitted me. And that is all the dresses I am buying for the season. I am not a huge dress fan, but I am starting to be. I have found very recently that being comfortable doesn’t mean always wearing jeans. I can feel comfort, but still have some style. I am still hoping to run into a strapless black dress that is also a day or night dress, but I am pretty sure I have high expectations for that one and would be shocked if I found it.

Tomorrow I go in for my first official interview for a promotional job. I am a little nervous, but overall I am pretty confident that I am ready for it. I am already doing most of the what the job description entails, but it would (hopefully) mean a really nice increase in pay. We’ll see. I am really nervous about asking for more money. I know with the economy it is tough, but I also know the pay grade for this job and I want it. I know I am a good solid candidate. Other than the fact that I am not afraid to step up and put myself out there, I accept accontability, feedback; I work 110% everyday; I challenge upwards; I motivate and inspire those around me and I have (shockingly) the respect of my peers and those below me. Among other things - but I won’t bore you with all the details. In addition, I have missed one day of work since starting which is funny because we had a meeting last year where they informed all of us that there were consistently over 14 days of missed work by my peers in one month. (seriously, gasp!) I am trying to decide if they lowball me if I will accept the position. I am waffling. I want the position without a doubt, but I am also willing to wait. I don’t expect them to offer me much at all, but I plan to ask for it. I have been practicing all the answers and preping myself for situational questions. When I was initially interviewing with this company I went through seven interviews. I imagine nothing less than that will occur here as well. I think I am much more prepared for what they may ask and what they are looking for simply because I have been living and breathing the company culture for quite some time now. Wish me luck.

I helped this wonderfully nice older couple today who had apparently gotten rid of their queen sized bed in lieu of two twin beds. They needed bed sheets and blankets, but had a dilemma due to the fact that they have acquired a deep mattress and the other sheets they have bought do not fit. I spent over an hour with this one couple, laughing most of the time because she knew what they wanted and he disagreed. Finally got them to decide on a set of sheets and pillow cases. White. White sheets people. We then went to the blanket section to decide on which ones would look best on top of the white sheets. What doesn’t look good on top of white? Even though they wanted a white or cream blanket I got them to step out and go for blue. After which the husband mentioned he wanted a comforter. The wife vetoed this as she felt it was too much. They argued. In the only way a couple who have obviously been married for years upon years can. She won. He turned to me and asked me to show him another option. I ended up talking him into getting another blanket in a different texture to compliment the first and if all else fails he could return it. I am betting they will be back for comforters.

The second couple I highly enjoyed helping today was also married. I walked by our patio section and they happened to be sitting in a patio chair discussing something with emotion. I had a moment and got curious. I decided to sit down for a minute and talk them up (code for I thought I could sell them a patio set and maybe get a credit card out of them - credit cards are hard to come by in this economy and it’s been awhile since I have been able to say I acquired one) Come to find out they did not want the set as it was sold, but rather totally different pieces, BUT for the same price. Wow, let me put on my surprised look because they wanted something difficult. At least they had the common decency to look a little shamed at the request. I added up the seperate pieces and lo and behold it was less than the set and it was what they wanted. Were they sold? Nope. I even tried closing them with, “I’ll call the backroom and get it sent up to the front for you?” The husband stops me immediately and says, well we can get a state’s employee discount online and can I match that. Uhm, no. So we all sit back down and discuss the options of online and in store purchases. They decided to think about it. As I was walking away something occurred to me and I thought I would give it one more try. I went back and said, “Just a thought, if I may - (he nodded). You could buy this online with your state’s discount of 15% and pay shipping which is usually at least 10% of the purchase; figure $80 shipping. Or you could not get your discount and go rent a truck for about $30 and still spend less with me in store. Plus you can take it home today.” Then I thanked them and left. They called me a couple hours later and asked me to have it brought to the front. They were fun and oh, so nice. The husband was actually dissapointed I wouldn’t be there to help them when they came in to pick it up. Me too because there went my credit card.

I also had a small encounter with a very upset customer. She had apparently purchased a vacuum, among other things and we forgot to put it in her car. She noticed it this morning when she was coming back for the patio set we had set on hold for her yesterday. Two problems. We can not just give anyone an item simply because they say they didn’t get it. Duh. Second, the patio set that was put on hold yesterday, was no longer there AND we did not have anymore. The plot thickens. People like this had I delt with them a year ago would have pissed me off for days, today I couldn’t have cared less. She yelled. She sputtered. She did everything she could to get me to budge. Part of the problem, the girl who initially helped her at the customer service desk was upset herself when I got to the area. She in essence should have kept her composure and remained calm. Unfortunately she upset the woman even more. Hello, she is customer service. It is what she does all day long - tell people no you can not return that or no you cannot get money back for a purchase made three days ago even though you got the coupon today. I explained I would take her information and give it to our security manager who would be in later today to investigate. Not an easy answer to give or for her to take. But to add on the fact that the patio set was now out of stock less than 24 hours later. It sucked. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Since I did all I could, I called my manager who sold the display (which we cannot do) and then gave her 15% off. I took care of the rest. Even found her an additional piece that matched her set which we don’t sell at another store. She left happy and I, blessedly, didn’t hold on to any of her anger.

It is so funny when I look back on how far I have come just in customer relations at work. Things that would set me off before barely phase me. Not to say I am no longer shocked by what people say and do. Holy crap. People still make me shake my head in wonder, but I am much more equiped to deal with it all. I have found my biggest ally is simply in not getting upset. No matter what the customer says or does, do not get upset. If I remain calm, it cannot get any worse than the customer wishes it to. And honestly, most of the time it ends in a good way. I do sympathize with people. I completely understand their frustration at having something on hold only to come in and find it gone. Would piss me off too. But I am not the customer, I am the help. And I cannot help if I am as upset as they are.

Although I have to say my least favorite thing about helping people is when they ask me for something I either do not have or do not sell. Instead of saying thank you and walking away, they stand there and stare at me or worse tell me they cannot believe I don’t sell it. They act like it is in some way my fault or that I have any control of the inventory of the products. Seriously people, fill out a comment card. Call corporate. Send an email. The menial people in the store (like me) can’t do much in that area. And standing next to me with your pleading eyes and whiney voice is not going to make it happen either.

I got my haircut earlier this week and I totally love it. I cut about three inches off the back which is crazy because I love having long hair, but it was starting to lose its style. I can always tell when it is time to cut my hair when I start wearing it constantly in a ponytail. It is now just below my shoulders and has all these layers in it. It feels light and sexy like a Salon Selectives commercial. I can shake my head and it goes right back into place. Slight issues with my mending wrist and the whole blow dyer, curly brush business, but I am managing.

The bump I feel on my wrist in in fact not bone buildup, but rather the titanium plate that they screwed into the radius bone.  They will not have to go back in and do any surgery. Thank you very much. But it is weird to have this thing sticking out. I keep thinking I will bump it on something or break it off, but apparently my hand surgeon says nothing like that will happen. I will just have to deal with it. I was completely upset when my hand therapist said I would be cutting back my hand therapy appointments to two a week starting in April simply because we had been saying I would be finishing up as of the end of March. I was so looking forward to being done and having the full use of my hand back. I am well aware that my hand is not done mending, but I want to force it to be done anyway. Doesn’t work that way. So I am reevaluating my expectations to include finishing up hand therapy through March. Damn.

Work has been going surprisingly well. With the economy they have cut way back on personel. The other day I was the only one on the floor other than the person working in electronics who is bound to that area due to having keys for the different locked up games and whatnot. It made working a bit hectic. I was running around taking customer calls, backup cashiering, helping customers and all the while trying to set up end caps. I have nine end caps to finish before tomorrow night. I have done five of them. I am struggling with the whole end cap thing. It is like reading a foreign language. I am usually so quick to pick things up, but for some reason the system is tripping me up. All the numbers and codes added on to the way they process the entire system is (for me) slightly off. I keep thinking I am just stupid, but my boss tells me I will pick it up with practice. Bummer. I am not used to having to “pick up” processes. Guess I have been lucky up til now.

I read somewhere that if your home life is good then everything else seems so much easier. I am starting to think that is so true. When things are going smoothly in my personal life, my work life and other miscellaneous things are so much the non important. No details, but I am happier this week.

I have another fun filled afternoon tomorrow of training courses to sit through. Usually I am so into this stuff, but as of late I am simply bored out of my mind. We are retraining the entire staff on harrassment, diversity, interviewing, etc. I just can’t seem to enjoy sitting in a classroom in an insanely uncomfortable chair while watching videos and listening to someone read from a pamplet.

My old boss gave me instructions today on how to access my review on our work computers. I have to go back in at some point this week (oh wait, tomorrow since tomorrow is the end of the week) and give myself a review. As we were going down the list of information needed she showed me where to put in how I rate myself, I replied, “Is that where I write, I am a god here?” She laughed hysterically, which is the reaction I was looking for. No other time in work is it ever appropriate to say that. Then she showed me where she puts in her information about how she feels I work, I replied, “Is that where you write I am a god?” Again, honest laughter. She gets me. I then realized my new boss was sitting right across the hall from us listening in. I poked my head into his office and said, “See what you’re getting yourself into?” He just laughed and shook his head. Reviews are a quirky process which I have never had to do before (at least I have never had to review myself). I am going to have to think seriously how to inform them in corporate terms how good I am at my job. (insert sarcastic remark here)

I can always tell when I am too busy. Or in this latest case too tired. Because my DVR get stocked up with shows. I thought I’d take a minute to fill you in on what I am watching lately. Well, trying to catch up on when I am not at work, hand therapy apts or sleeping.

The Bachelor - I am a complete and utter sucker for this damn show. I know it is so lame, but I am a hopeless romantic. I sigh, I smile and laugh, I cringe when some woman goes psycho on his ass, but all in all I LOVE this show. I honestly want these people to come out happy. But then again this would only fulfill my stupid idea that life can be solved in less than two hours. (confidentially, I am voting for Melissa) Although if they say AMAZING one more time I’m gonna vomit.Comical how many times they can describe a show in one season as “the most amazing rose ceremony ever!” ****Okay after watching the final rose ceremony I cannot believe he did that on national tv. Yes it is all made for tv, but he obviously should have told her before the show what was going on - it is only the nest thing he could have done. ***

Heroes - I am enjoying this season way more than last. I didn’t like the whole switch up the entire plot of the story, though I do like Sylar being a good guy as well as a bad guy. One of the few people I like to see on both sides. I am bummed they killed off and even more miffed when they brought her back uneventfully. Mohinder is a great hero and am really glad he is no longer a villain. Too geeky to pull that off.I am also bummed they got rid of the girl who played Sylar’s girl who could shoot electricity. She was cool and made a good team with Sylar.

Trust Me - I am waiting for more to come of this show. Kind of a hit and miss. The first couple of shows were interesting, but now I am looking for more. It is becoming redundant.

The Dollhouse - I am really enjoying this change of pace show. Very new, very interesting. I have liked the main girl (Echo) since she played on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  She is very believable in the role as kick ass woman or innocent victim.

Burn Notice - is it really possible to make a show that every single one of the people are so cool all the time? If so, this is it. It is unrealistic, but I think that is what I like about it. I am also deeply fascinated by spy shows (go figure).

Leverage - I have this saved on my DVR waiting for them to replay the first episode. Until then I don’t want to watch the others. Or I will finally go find it on the internet and watch it.

Big Love - One of my all time favs. Way too close to soap opera tv, but oh so yummy. Totally fills my need to be noisy. Lots of interesting tid bits of life info. I am watching it online this season though because I refuse to pay for HBO.

And I am still watching the oldies, but goodies -

House

Desperate Housewives

Grey’s Anatomy - i dig the new army doctor (owen hunt)

I do not have Bravo or I would be watching the Millionaire Matchmaker

Tell me, what are you watching.

I have been having the longest days ever lately. I knew that going back to work would probably be a bit hard considering I was still in physical therapy, but I didn’t know it would be like this.

Sunday

work 130-11ish pm

Monday

drs apt at 9am

drs apt at 1030am

work 230-1130pm

Tuesday I had off, but ended up at three drs apts as well as cleaned, laundered and ran errands.

Wed

work 7-330pm

drs apt 4pm

Thurs

work 9-530

drs apt mid day for lunch at 230pm (which is code for I drove to my drs apt on my lunch break)

Fri

work 7-1130

at which time I drove to another store for training

training 12-4

drs apt 4pm (I was a little late)

Now looking at this no one would know that my drs apts usually last two hours long (specialist 45 min) and I spend most of them in pain. Great pain. They wrench my wrist around and make it bend in ways it doesn’t want to, but must in order to regain full movement from broken wrist/car accident. These apts usually occur before or after my work day, either of which doesn’t really make my wrist hurt any less.

Not to mention I get up two hours before I have to be at work. Well, actually I lay in bed for fifteen minutes praying for the hands of time to be turned back a couple of hours, then I stretch for fifteen minutes, then get up.

Monday I had a 21+ hour day. On about five hours of sleep. Which sucks for me. I need all the sleep I can get.

The other day I noticed a little bump on my wrist (the one that was broken). I asked my hand therapist about it. She said it was probably bone build-up. She was so casual about it (as she is with most things) that when I was at my specialist (rolfing) I asked him. He said it could be bone build-up or the titanium plate may have moved. Hmmm, neither sound good.

It has been in the back of my head. This is not good. I conjure up horrible images of my surgeon having to rebreak my wrist and I have to start all over again. Seriously folks, someone just shoot me. (not really, but no way will I allow this to happen)

The other thought is maybe they will only have to slice it back open and cut the damn knob off. No big deal. Maybe a few days of recoup. And I can continue on with my therapy.

The thing is, I am almost done. Theoretically. My hand therapist is estimating another three weeks til I can start tapering off to two apts a week. Blessed me that would be a huge help. I may be able to actually go home after work. I am also about ready to taper off from my TMJ guy too even though I am not feeling half as good as before the car accident. I can see the finish line with all this doctor stuff. And god help me if there are any kinks. This has been so hard on me emotionally.

I was out of work for three months. At first, it was kind of a relief. I missed the busiest season of the year for retail, but the fact is with a broken wrist you can’t do much of anything. Add on I couldn’t drive and I am seeing four doctors a week (most three times a week, for hours at a time). Well, it kind of sucked. And I get such an ego boost at work. I hate to admit it, but my life is kind of defined by my work. I dig it. At work, I can see what I produce. Very rewarding for me.

To have to go back on medical leave would be so hard on me emotionally. Not to mention it can’t look good for work.

Granted I am willing to do whatever possible to get full movement back in my wrist. I still can’t do certain things I do on a daily basis, but it is coming along. I can finally get a taste of normalcy. My hand writing is coming back. Funny how it looks exactly the same.  Like a long lost friend.

I know I should not be complaining. I am lucky.

Blah blah blah

Somedays I am so tired. Somedays my body hurts so bad I could cry. Like today.

t.i.r.e.d.

I would kill for a jacuzzi jet tub with extra hot water and lots of bubbles.

I cannot possible express how happy I am to have the weekend off. My plans? To buy that new Jodi Piccoult book and read. I would love to sit my ass in bed all weekend, but alas I do have to do all my stupid wrist exercises, TMJ exercises, but regardless I am happy to be able to stay home with little on my “to do” list.

TGIF