eRamblings

Totally snaked this from The Wifezilla Diaries. So go visit her hilarious blog. It is a bloggy recession y’know?!

1. What’s worse - Physical or Mental cheating?

Neither one is acceptable - cheating sucks no matter how you look at it

2. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive - moving on is easier than forgetting b/c you never really forget (do you?)

3. Can men and women be ” Just Friends?”
Absolutely. It is a frame of mind - either you are friends or you are more than. It is a choice.

4. Dating co-workers?
Ugh! Talk about drama! NO WAY!

5. All expenses paid vacation to anywhere?
Fiji and Bora Bora

6. On the way to the electric chair - What’s your last meal?
I would make it the longest meal ever - fried chicken, corn, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese or maybe mexican food. And hello, can we say dessert. It isn’t like I will wake up fat or with a stomach ache.

7. Water parks are…?

not bad

8. When you are “In Love” do you notice other people?
Never. Completely and utterly absorbed in the other person
9. Is flirting cheating?

no

10. Would you rather have 1 great friend or 5 pals?
one really great friend

11. If someone called you a bitch would you be offended?
suppose it depends on who says it and how they say it

12. Are you ok with your significant other being friends with an ex?
yes
13. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
no I believe in marriage

14. Favorite sport?
tough one - I kind of like them all, espeecially the ones where you get to yell at the screen or the event

15. Is toilet paper hung over or under?
OMG - O.V.E.R.

16. Do you squeeze toothpaste from the middle or end of the tube?
doesn’t matter just put the damn cap back on the tube

17. How do you feel about tanning booths?

not really my thing

18. Friends with benefits?

negative - there is a huge difference between sex and making love; I prefer the later

19. Do you believe in angels?
absolutely
20. Would you rather take pictures or be in pictures?
Both - why choose if you can share the love

21. Have you ever flirted with someone you had no interest in?
nope
22. Ever kissed a random person and then walked away?
nope

23. Would you buy bootleg merchandise?
where do you think I got my fabulous Louis Vuitton purse and sunglasses? (gotta love New York)

24. What color looks best on you?
all colors (snicker) - my fav are green and red; white just tends to show what I ate or drank that day

25. If you could play any sport professionally what would it be?
today? race car driving maybe

26. Ever break up with someone and regret it?
yes
27. Are you a jealous person?

not jealous so much as possessive (i don’t like to share)

28. Would you ever have plastic surgery?

only if it was necessary to live

29. When do you want to get married?
I am
30. Who has the sexiest accents?
men
31. Next concert you’re attending?
any one I get tickets too

32. Favorite song?
right now it is a tie - Gavin Rossdale (Love Remains the Same) and Daughty (Over You)

33. Favorite movie?
all the ones I can watch over and over again
34. What’s your occupation?
retail sales/management
35. What’s your sign?
virgo
36. Are you a beach, country or city person?
a little of all three depending on the day or month; i like to move around

37. Best vacation spot you’ve been to?

anywhere I walked away saying “that was the best ever”

38. Have you ever had a “secret affair?”
no.

39. If you could own a non-traditional pet which would it be?
polar bear or platypus

40. Favorite show as a child?
Thunder Cats, HO!
41. Where do you spend most of your money?
Target, Victorias Secret and the Gas Station

42. Are you currently working at a job that you hate?
best job ever
43. Have you ever been so heart broken that you called in sick to work?
not to my recollection
44. Favorite summer drink?
water
45. Can you change a car tire?
Yes

46. Favorite cologne / perfume?
all colognes and perfumes should be outlawed; they are all horrible and kill my allergies

47. Favorite candle scent?
rain

48. Would you consider yourself adventurous?
yes, to an extent

49. What is your My Space profile song?

no myspace

50. Favorite concert attended?
Alan Jackson (b/c it was my first one ever)

51. Would you date an already attached man / woman?

I don’t believe in cheating (whether you are the cheater or cheatee)

52. Would you sing Karaoke in front of co-workers?

sadly I sing at work all the time; poor souls

53. Can you shoot pool?

yes, but I suck at it

54. Do you like your siblings’ significant others?
what does my opinion matter if they are happy?

55. Can you drive a stick?
No, but it is on the list of things to learn/do

56. Did you wear white at your wedding?

I wanted to, but the cream/pearl dress I wore was so incredible I couldn’t pass it up

57. Have you ever sat and hoped for a phone call?

way more than I would ever admit

58. Ever skip school and spend the day at the beach?
sadly no
59. Favorite TV show?

currently - In Plain Sight and Burn Notice

60. What do you think about gay marriage?
What do I care as long as people are happy?
62. what are you waiting for at the movies?
A night in Rosenthdal
63. What is your favorite holiday?

Thanksgiving

64. Describe your fighting style: drunken master or angry monkey?

neither - no more fighting, just talking and the occasional raise of my voice

65. Piercing?
two in each ear
66. Tattoos?
two

67. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

none - maxing out sucks b/c I have to pay it back, plus interest

68. Thongs? yes or no.
why not?
69. Write 2 truths and 1 lie.
- I have never been happier than I am right now

- my apartment is fastly becoming a very beaultiful, peaceful escape

- I could live without my cats

** I am asking all my family members to copy and paste this into an email and send it to me. Would love to know their answers. And of course, those who want to play along like CinnKitty, Blue Bamboo, If you can’t say something nice and Laniloo (who is getting married very soon).

I went out for drinks with one of my favorite girl pals and ended up ordering something off each part of the menu. We both had a glass and a half of wine. Really good wine, by the way! We ordered artichoke appetizers. (hello! shocker, I love artichokes) We ordered buschetta with this incredibly mouth watering fig sauce, mozzarella, arugula (i so like saying that word) on top. We ordered this ginormous turkey salad with raisins and cherry tomatoes and other stuff I don’t remember.

The waiter was way cute.

There were sweet little candles in all the windows.

There was chatter throughout.

The restuarant was beautiful and we were lucky enough to catch the better part of a nice rain storm through the floor to ceiling windows that grace this place.

The company could not have been better. We talked all night. We laughed and just had a magnificent time catching  up.

And somewhere in the middle of our night, I looked at my friend and said, “This is it! This is what 30 looks like!”

I felt wonderful. I felt alive. I felt beautiful in my new strapless dress and borrowed heels from my mother. I had done my hair and make-up. I for once felt like a beautiful woman. No longer a little girl.

And I was turning 30 in less than a month. Holy Shit!

I could not be happier.

I could not be more at peace with the world.

My life is falling into place.

And I am turning 30.

I am cossing #12 off my list! I think I have accomplished it.

Now if I could just figure out my love life . . .

When I started my new job I realized right away that the people who have been working there were beaten down. There was way too much work to do and not enough bodies to do it. It was like looking up at a monstrous mountain and not being able to see past it or even know where to begin. My heart bled for these people. And yet it didn’t take long for me to become one of them. I reached a point awhile back where I knew I was losing sight. I stopped and spent some time thinking about what to do and how to help. I needed a plan of action. I went back to basics.

Affirmation Statements

I grew up on them. My father has been telling me them since I can remember and for me, they work like a charm.

Since I make up the schedule two or three times a week for what department people will work in I realized that I had a great opportunity to share what statements I was reteaching myself at home. At first, I got the impression those around me thought they were pretty lame and kind of goofy. I went with it. In fact, it didn’t bother me in the slightest. I just kept writing them down on the schedule.

For the last two months.
Within the last week or so I have noticed that people around me are commenting one them. Positively. It is taking effect. They not only talk to me about them and how they affect their current situations, but want to contribute and give their own affirmation statements. And this could be completely irrelevant, but I feel like the atmosphere has gotten that much better.  Overall, we have come so far in this place. I cannot believe it. In just a short time the place has transformed. Not just the merchandise, the flow of business, but the employees are different too. They aren’t beaten down. They smile. They laugh. And they still work hard, but I feel we are working smarter now. I have to stop myself constantly and remind myself how hard we have all worked. I have to celebrate our successes.

This evening I took my team aside and thanked them profusely for their efforts. It may have sounded false, but I wanted to make them realize just how much I appreciate all their efforts. Coming to work in a place where you know you are already behind can be very difficult. Coming to work and then making a difference is even harder. I am so proud of them for sticking with it all.

When I talk to my therapist I have noticed lately that he will change my comments. I say things like “I can’t” and he will say, “Play with me here, say - I won’t”.

He is so right.

By simply exchanging out a few words it changes the meaning completely.

Will or Can

Try or Do

Like or Love (kidding, just seeing if you were paying attention)
At first it may be all semantics, but before long you have changed your whole way of thinking and eventually your way of living.

I for one feel I have seen it first hand with an entire store of people. It wasn’t the only thing that helped, but I imagine it gave it an extra heave ho.

I know I am tired when I get home from working six days in a row only to check my email and have to continuously log on four or five times because I keep falling asleep while reading emails.

I give in and go lay down on the couch. Tuesday jumps up to cuddle with me an I lay a blanket over me. That is all I remember. I wake up three hours later.

I drink a huge glass of water then go back to bed for the next twelve hours.

I am guessing I lost a bit of sleep of the last couple of nights and am making up for it. Sleep is good. Having comfortable pjs, blankets and a soft, cozy mattress is heavenly.

I am playing a game of chess in real life. It has come down to the last move before check mate. One more move and it is all over.

The next move is the other person’s. Not mine. I don’t have any more control. The ball is completely in their court. Now I wait. I can’t go back and redo any moves. I don’t have any regrets. It is all said and done. I have to wait to see where they will move their pawn.

I am sweating, just a little bit.

It is kind of like when you go to your boss and tell them that you have been offered a position at another company. You would like to stay with them, but the other company is offering you a much bigger salary and you would like to stay with them, but they will need to at least match it. I have been told that the budget will not accommodate that kind of increase. I have been told that no one else is getting these kinds of raises. All the excuses have been exhausted. It is time to make a decision. Only the decision is not in my hands. I have to wait. I can’t go back and renegotiate or they will see me sweat and I lose all credibility.

This person I am playing life chess with I know very well. They are unpredictable. Yet, their unpredictability is what makes them a bit predictable. They too have much at risk.

The stakes are very high. It will take a serious move on their part. A big compromise. A big change with quite a bit of work. It will require that they step outside their comfort zone and step into the unknown. Not an easy thing to do.

I have considered the fact that they may not be ready to make this kind of move, but I can wait no longer.

I won’t settle for less. I have gone all out. I have played a very good game. I have worked hard. I have built up credibility. It has gone back and forth with each successive move. I have cried. I have rejoiced. I made friends and lost them along the way.

I confess that I have become accustomed to the comfort of this back and forth. It meant that nothing concrete had to be known. I simply could stay in my comfort zone. Many people allow indecision to be their decision as I have in the recent past, but I prefer to be the decision maker simply because I know that if I make a bad choice at least I made that choice for myself.

I control my life.

Tom Hopkins said it best -

I never see failure as failure but only as a learning experience.

I never see failure as failure, but only as the negative feedback in order to change course in my direction.

I never see failure as failure, but only as the opportunity to develop my sense of humor.

I never see failure as failure, but only as the opportunity to practice my technique and perfect my performance.

I never see failure as failure, but only as a game I must play to win.

Either way I will not have lost. I have learned much on this journey.

What scares me is that now is the time. It has all led up to this one moment. It is now or never.

I am ready.

Dear you,

Dear me,

Hello, much younger and less wiser version of me,

Stop it. Just stop it right now. You are worrying. I can see it. Did you know worrying creates serious lines in your face? This is not an old wives tale, it is real (one of them anyway). We don’t want to have to get Botox now do we?

Quit clenching your jaw. TMJ sucks. And it only gets worse.

You are over analyzing. Again. Sit down. Take a couple of deep breaths. No really. Don’t roll your eyes at me. I am serious. Take a few really deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.

And that Type A, OCD thing you have. Get rid of it. Fast. It only becomes cumbersome.

There is nothing to worry about. Really.

The world will not end.

Say it with me, “the world will not end.”

Give yourself a hug. I love you. Yes, me. I love myself. You are a good person. You are smart and pretty. And people like you.

Especially your mother who will one day tell you you are unreasonable, difficult and irrational. On the bright side, it will be one of the best things that could happen to you. That is the day you start looking at yourself and digging deep. Really deep. This is when you learn that life is so much better than you realized. You become at peace with the world around you and inside of you. And mom really does love you. I mean who else could say that to you and continue living? She means it in the best way.

If I could give you (uh, me) a few tips it would be these -

Life is not like the movies. Sorry this is a big disappointment.

Dream BIG. (probably not necessary because we have always had big dreams)

Love with all your heart. When it gets broken (and it will), it will heal each and every time. C’est la vie!

In college, when you go to Costa Rica don’t accept that cigarette with that shot of Tequila. Smoking only becomes a horrible habit that you have issues kicking.

Spend more time in the computer lab, preferably on the Macs. You will need it in the future.

Remember that guy who was really cute and was always fixing cars? Occasionally look away from his incredible smile and learn something about cars.

Don’t get too upset when mom and dad give you a Chia Pet instead of the real baby rabbit you wanted for years (and years). They will tell you that if you keep it alive for a year they will buy you a real one. It dies in two days. (fyi: you’re not very good with plants) Over a decade later you still probably won’t find it too funny, but give it another ten. Have no fear. We have two wonderfully, beautiful, inspiring and kind-a crazy kitties later in life.

You won’t become Sheryl Crow, but it doesn’t hurt to keep singing her songs in your car at the top of your lungs. And it is so hilarious to watch other people get annoyed with how loud you get at stop lights. You’ll have other professions.

Learn to let things go. Don’t take things so personally. Most of the time other people’s anger and hurt has nothing to do with you.

You cannot fix everything so stop that too. You can help, but solving the world’s problems - uhm, not gonna happen.

Laugh more. (those are good lines for your face)

Your swimming pays off. A two year scholarship. (yeah) Oh and the metabolism that goes with it is AWESOME.

Other than that, live life to its fullest. Get out and enjoy yourself.

See you in the future,

Heidi

I really loved this letter idea I keep seeing all over Blog World. To help aid the Blog Recession go visit some of your fellow bloggers and read their own letter to themselves. Feel free to leave your link to your own blog letter.

I just downloaded a new ringtone to my phone - Bohemian Rhapsody. It is so much fun! I am going to drive everyone nuts singing this song. I forgot about this one. And it was free too. Love it! I was actually looking for the Rocky theme song or I could have downloaded the song Love Remains the Same by Gavin Rossdale. I heard it on a girl’s phone at work the other day and thought it would be a good one. But I got distracted and found the Queen song and I was sold. And I just LOVE the Rossdale song. It has become one of my top favorite songs.

(is this real life or is it just fantasy)

I think I killed two vacuums in one night. My new one that I bought just three months ago died tonight. Each time I used it, I only got halfway through my apartment before it overheats due to the cat hair. I even cleaned it out every couple of minutes. And it officially died tonight. So I pulled out my old one and I think it died too. But it was old anyway. Bummer. I will have to invest in a new one. I will need to research for the best one in my budget for cat hair removal. I am hoping I can get one for less than $100, but I don’t want to have to buy a new one each year (or every 6 months). And I am in love with bagless. I would love to go for the Dyson Animal Vac, but seriously I don’t have $500.

(oh mama mia mama mia let me go!!)

My closest friend at work moved away this Monday. I am so bummed. I miss her already. She was the one person I worked with that we could vent, laugh and just basically kick back and have fun together. We had just started hanging out outside of work too! Damn. But I wish her well and I know she will be happy. Her family is back in Oklahoma. We did exchange email addresses too.

(just gotta get right, right out of here)

It’s official. I have entered the pig zone. I haven’t done dishes in over a week and my place is starting to gross me out. I did break down and do the dishes and I even vacuumed a bit tonight. Although see above portion about the damn vacuums. At some point this week I will need to clean the bathroom and I don’t know, maybe go grocery shopping. I am completely out of food and my bread has definitely gone bad. The only thing I have picked up lately is milk. And ice cream. Yknow, just the necessities.

(mamma, oh ohhhhhh)

I think I need a cat exorcist. Izabel is driving me a bit nuts. I have tried everything - drugs, pet therapy, ignoring her, yelling, distracting her, throwing cans filled with pennies (not at her directly anyway). Ugh. I can’t get her to stop biting me. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose. She just confuses her play with aggression and when she is frustrated she likes to let me know. It is like dealing with a 2 year old. You can’t reason with her at all. I take her into the vet in October for shots and a check up. I am planning on talking to them about it. Again.

(so you think you can stop me and spit in my eye)

I signed up for art classes at the local community college. I am SO EXCITED! I will be taking a charcoal class and an oil painting class. They did have a pencil drawing class involving naked models. I considered that for a bit (okay for awhile), but I think they would kick me out after I spent the entire class pointing and laughing. My dad was telling me he would help me repaint my apartment walls if after the class I wanted to paint an entire wall mural. Something I have always wanted to do.

(nothing really matters, anyone can see, nothing really matters . . . nothing really matters . . . to meeeeeeeee)

I was honored with the job of Volunteer Chairman at work. (I laugh, but continue to use the word honored) I really don’t mind. I like the whole organization that we are working with. They do great things. But I just started to get the feeling the people at work kind of like me. And now I am going to be asking them for money and to give up some of their spare time to volunteer. This should go over well. (snicker) What’s really funny is my boss wants me to do this and not take up any of my work hours, yet I am not allowed to work on this outside of work either. I am not sure when they expect me to do this. So I have been researching and organizing on the down low. My mom has been a great source of information and ideas. She used to do a lot of work with different non-profit organizations. I am actually giving a speech to the early morning crew at work on Monday in Spanish as they all speak Spanish (which is so cool, it has been such a long time since I used my Spanish). I am a little nervous, but they are all so nice.

(easy come, easy go, I will not let you go)

I cannot get over how freakin happy I feel lately. All that stress and anxiety gone. G.O.N.E. And no, I am not on drugs or drinking profusely. It is such a relief to not just be happy, but feel it from inside. It feels like a light from deep within. No matter what is going on around me I keep that peace. I heard a quote at work that I have attached myself to - Peace is not the conquer of conflict, but the conquer of inner conflict. So true. I am falling asleep with no difficulty at all now. I don’t spend hours worrying over stupid things like dying or scary movies. (okay so I was such a freak, but whatever) People can bitch all they want and I don’t care. It is their issue not mine. I don’t take the annoyances home. I have found that when people are arguing, though, I do tend to leave the area. It is like a blow horn in my ears. I can feel every muscle in my body tense up. I just don’t want or need that in my life anymore. Life is good.

I like saying that - Life is good.

My desk is a complete mess right now.

At a very last minute decision I ended up going to California this weekend. And my carry on bag has become my scrapbook backpack (which I love), but I use it all the time and so I had to take all the scrapbook stuff out to get my carry on stuff in. I have yet to put any of the scrapbook stuff back in the bag. It is still littered all over.

I had an absolute blast this weekend. I went to a pocket bike race. It is actually quite funny looking. All these grown men riding around on teny tiny bikes. The kids are cool looking though. A little less like a monkey in a circus. I surprised myself because I simply wasn’t sure what to expect. I like motorcycles, although I don’t ride. Yet. I knew it was kind of going to be a guys type of thing. But I was invited and I wanted to get out of town and spend the weekend with my husband and stepson.

I went to work on Friday at 5am which means I got up at 3am. I worked until 1:17pm. Went home, packed my carry on, fed the kitties, cleaned up the apartment a bit (not as much as I would have liked), showered, got into airplane clothes and then had just enough time to sit down to eat lunch. I got the airport (thanks dad) with enough time to buy a couple of magazines (People and Redbook). The moment I sat down the gate attendant came on to say that the pilots were not at the airport yet and we could not board until they did. Crap. So I waited. We took off about forty-five minutes late. I got to California and it was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT WEATHER. It was beautiful. A cool breeze and less than 90 degrees out. YES!! A complete fallacy because it was inordinately hot the following day.

We stopped at Wally-mart and bought a few things for the weekend. I got dinner. Then we went straight to the race track where we spent the next ten hours. I watched them practice run a million times. I watched them work on the bikes and tune them all up. I asked a million questions (because I can). And I drank tons of water and Gatorade. I made a few EWW faces because these men were so dirty. All the grease, exhaust, dirt, gasoline. You name it. D.i.r.t.y.

On Friday I had a twenty-one and a half hour long day. A long day. In 24 hours, I was up for 21.5 of them.

Holy crap. I was a bit tired.

We slept for about seven hours. As well as you can sleep in a hotel.

The next morning, I was able to convince the boys to head out to the track without me and let me get ready on my own time. Which was awesome for all of us. The moment they left, I dove straight back into bed with my coffee. About the time I was ready to head across the street to Denny’s for breakfast my husband was on his way to get me. So we swung in and got it to go.

What is it with men and not eating or sleeping? My husband can live off of one meal a day and about four hours (probably less) of sleep. I can’t do that. I need 3 meals a day (a few snacks in between) and at least 8 hours of sleep, but 10 would be better.

We then went back to the track for the entire day. Official racing started that night at 6pm.

I felt so bad for my husband because he spent the entire Saturday working on one or the other bike while the kid rode the track. Each time he would get one bike fixed the other would have some sort of problem. But I was also very proud of him for doing so. Only a good father would do that.

I think the heat got to me mid-day though. I spent some time sleeping in the truck, but didn’t feel so hot afterwards. We did take a break (thank goodness) and got some dinner and enjoyed some air conditioning for a bit before the official races started. I did feel pretty sick on Saturday night when we finally left (maybe it was early Sunday, I can’t remember), but once I got some sleep I was alright. On Sunday my husband asked me why I didn’t just take the truck back to the hotel. Shit! I hadn’t thought of that. That would have been a great idea.

My husband placed 4th in one of the races. YEAH! After all that tuning and little practice, that was just so cool. My stepson got better each and every time he went out on the track, but I don’t think he was feeling it so much. He actually got in a little accident a week or so before this and got the wind knocked out of him. Which has never happened before and I think it scared him a bit.

My husband actually went down in one of the races. He was turning with a couple of the other guys and somehow went down. The bike hit and he rolled a couple of times, but without a second hesitation got up and ran back to the bike to finish the race. I totally missed getting pictures of it because my jaw was so on the ground. I could not believe how fast he moved and without stopping, just one fluid roll and up.

And there was a girl (Rita Hererra) racing with all the guys. Way cool!

All in all it was really fun and quite a bit of new stuff for me to learn. I think next time I want to rent an RV and stay at the track. That way I can go into the ac, eat some food and get some rest/down time. We’ll see. I think hubby would rather leave me at home. lol

Here are some of my fav pics -

Isn’t he just the cutest? I know I am supposed to say cool, but really. Cute says it all!

This was me taking a breather in the truck.

Dad and son ride together.

Down time before the race.

One of the heats to find out where each rider will start in the final race. (Hubs is in lower right corner in orange and black)

Rest time in between practice and racing.

Probably one of my fav pics of the whole weekend. He was so filthy and yet exuding happiness from the inside out.

Edited to add:
My stepson actually passed up his father to ask me to help him take off his riding gear. He leaned on me resting his head on my shoulder when we were watching others ride, sitting on a hay bale. I had forgotten how easily it was for him to fall asleep. Forgotten so many things. Hubs and I laid him in bed and then snuck out for a moment to smoke outside. When we came back, I swore to hubs that he would be playing his video games which he was forbidden to play because it was time to sleep. We tip toed up to the door and listened. Not a sound. We snuck in and he was laying on his side barely breathing. I thought he was playing. I kept waiting for him to start cracking up laughing. Nope. He was dead to the world. Hubs even picked up his arm and dropped it on the bed. Not a movement. I miss sleeping like that. I missed that kid. Have you ever seen Coneheads? That is how he eats. With such voraciousness.

Hubs and I had the best quality time this weekend (my Love Language). Quiet moments without anyone else around. We haven’t slept in the same bed in over half a year. I had forgotten how incredible it feels to sleep next to someone (my someone). Every piece of skin touches; bodies intertwined without any space between; breathing in the same air; warmth passed back and forth. Course we haven’t slept like that for so much longer than half a year. I cherished every moment. We talked, really talked even if just for brief seconds. He has this incredible smile that lights up his face, exaggerates his dimple and he swaggers when he is really happy. He is sexy and fun.

I honestly have no idea what will happen. I don’t really care. Right now, I am enjoying every sweet moment God has decided to give us.  Without thought, without worry (most of the time). I am living for right now. And they happen to be in it too.

On Monday I wrote a post about cooking catastrophe.

Last night I had another although not with a casserole dish. I cooked salmon, potatoes, broccoli and corn. While I was putting the salmon in the boiling hot pot on the stove it slipped out of my fingers and sloshed boiling water onto me. I jumped back, but it still caught me. I was in complete shock. My husband stood there and kept asking me if I was okay, but I couldn’t talk. I was so stunned. My husband was quick to flick the salmon off of me and wipe off the hot water. When I came to, I started saying, “It’s hot! It’s hot!” He immediately ran me into the bathroom and started putting cold water on my burns. I got burned on my face by my chin, on my collar bone and on my belly (it went through my shirt). I couldn’t stop the tears. I tried to keep it together so as not to scare the kids, but it was too hard. It just plain hurt.

The entire time we were cleaning me up I kept thinking about the two other times I have been burned.

When I was very young my mother made a pot of coffee. When she poured her cup, the door bell rang. She thought she had put her cup far enough away from me. Somehow I was able to grab the cup and burning hot coffee  poured down my chest. It went through two layers of clothes (since it was winter I had on a turtleneck and sweater).

I was about five (i think) on July 4th. My sister and I were swirling sparklers around in the dark. Writing our names and making flower designs and whatnot. I got too close to myself and burned my belly button.

I held an ice pack on my belly and my neck while we ate dinner. Then after we put Neosporin on all the burns to help heal them.

All through dinner my stepson and niece kept saying, “Are you okay? Man, your face is red. Does it hurt?” Leave it to kids to state the obvious. They keep me humble.

This morning I woke up and thankfully the large red circle had almost completely faded, but I have a small welt on my collarbone and also a few on my belly still. They don’t hurt as badly as they did last night and I am thankful I wear low rise pants otherwise it would have been a long day at work.

See that little hole up there? No, not that corner! And don’t judge me just because I have tons of crap stuffed in there. The one in the top, right corner. It’s about 12″ x 12″.

Izabel has been eying that little square for months now. She wiggles her little head between the closed closet door and the wall, pushes the closet door open and then tries to figure out how to get up there. She leans really far forward, sniffs the air, wiggles her butt and then just as she is about to jump - she loses her nerve.

I am waiting. The day will come when she will eventually go for it. And that is the day I will come home (or be woken up) to all my shit on the floor. As you can see I have quite a bit of stuff stuck up in the back of my closet. Mostly blankets and sheets and bed stuff. It will be an avalanche.

Regardless she is the epitome of curiosity. I bring home bags of groceries and she can’t wait to stick her head in the them and root around. I get a box delivered and she is standing on her back legs with excitement of what it is inside - or maybe it is that she knows she gets to play in the empty box afterwards.

Personally I am torn. Part of me hopes she makes it because otherwise I will have a lot of cleaning to do. And if she makes it, she will be up there all the time. If she doesn’t make it she probably won’t try it again and will forget about it. But that is a long way down, for not making that jump.