eRamblings

My husband invited me over for dinner tonight and he served the best bbq chicken ever. I made the potatoes and green beans while downing a huge glass of red wine. I was a big help. (LOL) It was wonderfully pleasant. I warned my husband that I wasn’t in the best mood and that I probably wasn’t going to be the best company, but he sweet talked me into coming over and before I knew it he had me laughing and having a good time.

My stepson is on summer vacation so he is like a ghost that only appears for food. He dashed in, shoved as much food in his mouth as he could and then vanished into thin air. Not so much as a peep out of him really. But after dinner we decided to go birthday party shopping.

My stepson is having his friend’s over on Saturday for his 10th Birthday Party. I am praying for a big turnout. We invited the entire class, but last year barely anyone showed up. That is the problem with having a party after school ends. The kids just forget and the school will not give out phone numbers so we can contact the parents (I get it, just frustrating). We stopped at the dollar store and picked up all the pool stuff - squirt guns,  water soakers, inflatables and then some party fun stuff. He picked out these really goofy disguises. They look like Charlie Chaplin. My husband didn’t like them, but he wanted them. I think it is great that my stepson is able to be so uncharacteristically kid-like. He just is who he is. We got all this other stuff I can’t even remember. It cost less than $40 - I love the dollar store.

We stopped at a party store to pick up the plates and decorations, but they didn’t have Naruto. My stepson decided on Iron Man which was cool. We bought a pinata, candy, more party favors, table clothes, etc. As we were being rung up we hear this loud smack only to turn around and see my stepson laying on the tile floor. He looked at us and we could tell it hurt, but he laughed. As we walked out, he started saying how bad his hands hurt. So I stopped and looked, but didn’t see anything. I babied him a bit and then he said, “Wow, they really should have some sort of Wet Floor sign.” I told him that the floor wasn’t wet, he was just running. The tile gets slick. But it was still funny how he turned his running into the stores fault. Hubby and I laughed about this all night. The kid was just so excited.

We were going to stop at the grocery store and pick out the cake, but the bakery was already closed. I make a note and taped it to my husband’s counter so he didn’t forget. I have been reminding him all week to call and order it. He just forgets. That is why he waited for me to come over so we could all go shopping together. It is just kind of my thing.

I love being able to help with this stuff. I love that they want me to be apart of this stuff, too. This is the kind of evenings I miss. I hope in the future they happen all the time.

I am having a sad day today. I feel like I could just cry and it isn’t one thing just all things wrapped up into one big pile of shit.

Someone got ahold of my credit card number (somehow) and was making purchases in another state on Sunday. I actually caught it late Sunday night and was able to call in to the fraud department. Which I suppose is good, but because it was a holiday weekend I couldn’t get anything resolved until Tuesday. On Tuesday I come to find out that it takes a minimum of 48 hours to process fraud paper work and possibly credit my account the money that was stolen. My account is really, really negative right now and I can’t do anything about it. Not to mention I can not buy anything with this account. It is the only account I currently have. So not only do I not have access to my money, but I don’t have any other accounts to work from. I am completely penniless til they figure this out.

On top of that this last month I decided to do a little spending and put my bills on hold til the end of the month. Unfortunately I will be late because of the fraudulent charges. So I will have to pay late fees to my bills.

On top of that I was hired on to a company into a position way lower than where they originally wanted to place me, but due to the fact that I wanted to leave my current position within a certain amount of time and they really wanted to hire me - I will now be working in a position that I was actually doing seven or so years ago. I am worried I will be bored quickly or worse they will not want to promote me after they hired me. They do very little promoting from within. Not to mention I have no idea when my first pay check will be coming, so I may be later than I think on paying a few bills.

I am adjusting to working on my feet again and my lower back is absolutely killing me after just two nine hour days and because of this my muscles are overcompensating and I have TWO enormous knots underneath one of my shoulder blades which coincidentally is making my TMJ act up a bit.

I have been sleeping almost 10 hours a night since starting my new job which is glorious because it has been ages since I slept, but I am also missing my free time.

And last night my husband and I had a small disagreement. We have already talked it through, but nonetheless my feelings are hurt. We have been having such a great time together and I find it so hard that I miss him so terribly.

And one of my aunts left without me having a chance to say goodbye and I feel like quite a schmuck because of it. I really enjoyed her being here and spending such wonderful quality time together that I will remember forever. And I didn’t even find time to say goodbye.

This is a really pathetic post because it is just a bunch of rambling pity me party, but I don’t care. I am feeling a bit blue and just felt like sharing.

Hope your day is going better.

Here is the most wonderful picture we found of my mother. For once I think I may actually look like my mother. In fact, this photo to me looks like I was there instead of her. My aunts seem to think this may have been a Christmas card photo.

My Aunt Sara has been doing genealogy of our family for so many years and I can’t thank her enough because it means so much to me to know where I came from. How incredibly will it be to be able to tell my kids this is their family and look at your tree. I already know so much about my dad’s family because most of them live within a few blocks of my grandparents and we have grown up hearing all the stories, but my mother’s family has been a bit of a mystery to me.

This photo is one my mother happened upon. It is my mother, my sister, me and my sperm donor dad (that’s really all he was there for; my dad/stepdad who adopted me is my one true dad). My mom has pretty much cut my sperm dad out of all the pictures she had of him and I have been curious as to what he looked like. I don’t know why. It really doesn’t make a difference, but I am glad I have at least one picture of him. Y’know?

Aren’t we great tourists?

We have a picture of my mom and her two sisters from way back when sitting in this same position, so they wanted to reenact it. And now they have these beautiful frames that they are planning on putting both the old and new photo in.

I can’t believe just how wonderful it has been to sit and listen to all the stories. Being that my mom and her middle sister are five years apart; my mom and her youngest sister are eleven years apart so they all have different parts of the memories and together they actually have a full life story. It is amazing to sit and picture all that went on with them growing up. Sometimes it makes me sad for my mother and some of her heart ache and yet that is also kind of what growing up it is all about - the good times and bad.

My mother found a trunk at my great grandmother’s place when she died, she didn’t look through it, but it ended up having a ton of photos and documents that my great grandmother had kept for ages. We have been scouring the photos looking at all the clothing, hair dos, house furniture (my god the furniture is so hilarious with all the patterns and then with the clothes patterns next to them). It is the most fabulous pieces of history - my history. I have been quite overwhelmed with emotion.

I spent about a year working on the first four years of my life scrapbook and I found it amazing that both my aunts were practically in every other picture, as well as my grandparents (my mom’s parents). I didn’t remember that we were over at my grandparent’s house for every holiday and most weekends. I just had no idea. And all these photos that I scanned are proof that they were an integral part of my growing up.

Here is what it looks like - ALL THE TIME. We stand around and talk . . . and talk. . . and talk . . . and talk. It is fabulous!!! (that handsome fellow in the pic above is my dad). The first couple of nights I realized that I needed to go home to bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to go. I didn’t want to miss anything. These stories and memories would just tumble out of their lips and then each one of them would add their version of the story. My aunt and I talked about recording the whole thing so we didn’t forget.

I just can’t get over how incredible it feels to listen to all this. Kind of like being a child and overhearing a grown up conversation that you know you shouldn’t be listening to, but it is so wonderfully delicious that you can’t turn away. Only this is stuff I plan to relate to my kids someday.

Ever since my stepson was in first grade he has struggled with reading. He was incredibly frustrated when he couldn’t read the word. He was embarrassed when he had to sound out words. And reading was just no fun, so what was the point. Thankfully in second grade, the teachers started requiring reading 20 minutes a day for homework.  My husband and I got him a pleathura of books - ranging from basic books to comic books. Anything to get him to read. In third grade, I would leave the newspaper comics out on the table so he could flip through while eating breakfast. In fourth grade we got “the reading chair”. A papazzan chair that resided in the kitchen which I would sit in and read while making dinner. To sit in the reading chair was cherished. But as his reading developed he started to enjoy lounging on his bed while reading. And pretty soon we had to ask him to stop reading just so he could finish his other homework.

Earlier this week, my stepson received the Principle’s Reader Award which is given when reading in the 75% of his grade. We missed the awards ceremony though because my ss didn’t think he was getting the award - neither did he mention there was the possibility. Ignoring that fact, I am so proud of this kid. He has struggled this entire year with school and yet here he is protracting an award. Absolutely wonderful. Another example of how this kid can do absolutely anything he sets his mind to.

Last night my husband let my ss pick where he wanted to go to dinner as a celebration (along with the two books and signed card we gave him). He chose Dave and Busters. A restaurant that houses food and a million arcarde games. We ordered from their Pay and Play menu (I think I made that up, but it was something like that) where you order one of the meals and you get a $10 play card for any of the games. We each ordered a meal from the that menu and each got a $10 card. Although honestly I am not sure why I was even given a card since I pretty much wandered around behind my guys watching (supporting?) them while they killed aliens, shot robbers, and played all the grossiest games ever. Actually I did play some skeeball, basketball and we all played Nascar (my hubby kicked our butts both times). The kid was beside himself with excitement. We would turn around and he would be gone running to some other game swipping that game card as fast as it would recognize it.

By the time we left I was exhausted. Way too much fun. And most of my own happiness was simply watching the kid savor every moment, every game, every win and cherising the wonderfully loving looks that passed between my husband and I. Seriously, that man has to be the sexiest guy alive.

One of my friends is out of town and I offered to go over and let out her new puppy to pee and basically frolic around during lunch time. I stopped by last week for a quick visit to investigate the ritual and pick up a key. No problems right?

Okay, I feel incredibly stupid after only a few minutes of being there.

I opened the door to their apartment and even though I was using both legs to block dogs in (they are also sitting two other beagles), the tiny puppy still bounded past my blocked exit and out the door.

“Oh Crap! Get back here.” I fling my purse and keys down on the ground and race off the catch the little bugger. As I turn around with my little bundle I realize I have left the door open in my haste. Thankfully the other dogs are well trained and are sitting at the open door watching me (and probably laughing). Realizing that I will have to go out the back patio door to pick up the UPS box I try to plan how to attempt this while putting my stuff down on the counter. I finally decide to carry the puppy out on the patio with me. Unfortunately I realize after being outside that I cannot carry the puppy and the package while keeping the dogs and the cat which has just surfaced inside. After juggling the puppy and box I finally just develop another arm and make it safetly in the door.

The puppy is like a pinball. He is wriggling around so much I struggle to clip his leash to his collar - thankfully they were kind enough to attach his collar for me. It takes more time than it should all the while the puppy is licking me and trying to wriggle loose. I carry him out the front door and plop him down on the grass. Like a very good dog he immediately squats. Two seconds later he is crawling under a bush, one second later he is sniffing poop (not his), two seconds later he is chasing a bug, three seconds later his is sniffing a water pipe in the grass, one second later he is chewing on a tree pod, two seconds later he is eating grass, another squat two seconds after that.

It is quite remarkably a beautiful day to be out walking the cutest dog ever. The wind is blowing, the sky is overcast and not a soul in sight. Quiet. Peaceful. And much better than just five minutes ago where I was completely befuddled by my puppy incompetence.

After our ten minute outing, I carry him back inside, disconnect the leash, pour him some food, refresh the water bowl, pat the other two beagles, nuzzle the kitty and I am on my way.

Negativity is like a virus. As easy to get as the common cold. It comes with the similar symptoms. It is just as easy to spread.

It starts out with not getting enough sleep, a bad spot of food, gossip, miscommunication, a not so friendly greeting and even something so little as a stubbed toe. And as with the flu it spreads like wild fire. You run into a long lost friend or a conversation with a relative. One has seen another person who had a bad experience and without the slightest hesitation shares it with you. And if it is interesting, which it usually is, you tell that to another. And they tell it to someone else and viola a virus spread among a flock.

I had a conversation with my future employers today where I had to ask for a week of family time before committing to the much needed on the job training. A conversation I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to. It seemed like a lot to ask of an employer who had yet to really get to know me. And yet, I felt like I simply could not risk missing this family reunion. Not something that had been planned, but made last minute. While I spent my time thinking about how to best go about the situation, I ended up simply answering the phone during a very high spirited time of the day and without warning they just couldn’t turn me down. Could it really be just because I was in such a good mood?

It gives room for further thinking.

Have you ever been in such a great mood you feel like nothing could interrupt the sunshine and run directly in to a viral sucker? You know the one that can completely deflate your mood simply by uttering the phrase, “I feel like I could cry” and without provocation they go on for what seems like eternity to explain just how bad a day they have been having. And as you are walking away you realize that you are feeling like you should just go home and cry too.

Viral negativity.

I find it absolutely deplorable lately.

I have been on both the receiving end and the spreading end. In fact, I believe I had a distinct period of more than a year where I was plagued with the virus. No excuses really, but having chronic pain is a motivator for viral negativity.

I have decided that I would do my best to purge myself and those around of all the viral negativity I can muster. I smile even when feeling a little blue. I greet people who are on a rampage to destroy my happy facade with a air of patience and understanding. I take deep breaths and remind myself that life is good. Even with the bad stuff that is currently going on, life as I know it is good. And for much time now I have proved to be in a good mood. I do have my moments and when it happens I try to keep it at home where it belongs not out infecting others. Although honestly after an entire day of happiness by the time I get home I am not longer feeling very negative.

I have encountered the ever difficult angry customer more than a few times during my stint of purging the negativity from my life. Each and every time I can smell them coming. I prepare myself. I paste a smile on my face. I tell myself nothing good will come from me getting upset as well. I can resolve this issue with little to no arguments. I can satisfy this customer simply by being understanding and helpful. And you know what? It works every time.

It is as simple as the eloquent quote by Ghandi, “Be the difference you hope to see in others.”

And that is what works for me.

Visit Rocks in my Dryer for other wonderfully helpful tips on life, love, family and other such.

You ever notice how you have this entire day off, 24 full hours to do whatever you want and in the end you realize you didn’t really do anything you wanted to? That would be today.

Somehow I lost about six hours of my day. I dropped off the cat at the groomers, ate lunch, vacuumed my apartment, did laundry, and did some other things I don’t remember, picked up the cat, picked up my niece from school, drove her to Walmart to purchase snacks for her Strings party tomorrow (which consisted of coke and chips - apparently what she calls snacks - whatever), we played Catopoly and then raced over to Chuck E Cheese for dinner and fun with hubbs and the kid.

Notice how not once did you read about me reading my book, finishing any of my scrapbook pages or other things I just have been waiting forever to do? Damn. A little disappointed, but WAIT I have more than a few days off this week. Maybe my aunt who likes to scrapbook will do some with me? Hmmmm, I feel a plan coming on.

After Chuck E Cheese the kids came home with me while hubbs ran an errand which totally was fine with me. It gave me quality one on one time with both my niece and my stepson. With the bio-clock a ticking, I really enjoy this time. It is worry free and I get to be the fun parent for once. Although mental note, I should always figure out how to be the fun one. I am almost positive it can be done.

The kid and I played Ants in the Pants. WHICH I LOVE. But apparently I suck at still after all these years because he kicked my butt.

My niece and I played it too, but it was more of a race and we both had ants flying all over the place.

When I was about four my mother gave me Ants in the Pants as a gift. My mother, my sister (she was about six at the time) and I played it that very night. Both my mom and my sister’s ants were flying directly into the pants meanwhile mine were flying every way but where they should have gone. I was getting frustrated and the better my mom and sister did, the angrier I got. At one point I lost it and shouted, “Asshole ants”. And then in shocked horror at saying a bad word I immediately burst into tears and ran to my room. Upon which point my mom and sister looked at each other and started laughing. I think that may have been the beginning of my sore loser syndrome.

I can’t believe the school year will be over in a couple of days. My niece will be going into 6th grade and my stepson into 5th grade. Ack!! Where does the time go. I was just paroosing the computer for photos and happened upon photos from ages ago. I couldn’t help myself. Both the kids looked so incredibly young. I kept saying, “You guys were just babies!” To which my niece became deeply offended and made sure I understood they were not! They have just grown up so much and so fast. I am so proud of the wonderful little people they are turning out to be and against all these difficult life occurances.

I may not have gotten to do what I had planned, but I have to say the trade off was well worth it.

I just dropped my Izabel off at the groomers and it kills me to leave her there. I know that they will take good care of her and I know that she will be much happier once she is all bathed, shaved and pretty again, but it still makes me worry. Years and years ago, my mom’s dog had a very bad experience at a dog groomers where he ended up in intensive care for days because they walked away from him and he jumped off the table and hung himself. They did not say that something had happened, instead my mother noticed his shallow breathing and wet muzzle. After filing a lawsuit they admitted negligence. We have never been back to that place which is still in business, but it still worries me. They will actually be doing something a little different than normal this time to help with her shedding. The groomer suggested a light dust cut of her coat all over to take some of the excess hair off her. I am not exactly sure what that mean, but I made sure they won’t be shaving her or giving her a lion’s cut. It is hair and it will grow back, but I prefer her hair to be kept the way it is. I do ask that they shave her back legs to prevent knots and they trim up her “sanitary area”. It is usually the longest four hours of my life each time I leave her at the groomers.

Tonight I am being gifted with my niece’s presence. It has been so long since she has stayed with me. Years ago she used to spend months with me. I loved it. We get along so well. She is truly the best kid ever. I have a coupon for Chuck E Cheese, so I called my husband to see if he and the kid would like to meet us there. It is always fun playing games, talking and chowing down on not so great pizza. My sister is back in jail. I have no idea what happened this time only that she has been on a type of house arrest with very limited leash. She must take regular drug tests and go to a meeting each night of the week. My guess is she wasn’t able to procure a job in the allotted amount of time, but according to her they tricker her again. Honestly, the way she blames her hardships on other people astounds me. Makes me wonder if she will ever get her shit together. But her loss is our gain. We get to spend a lot of time with my niece til she gets out and since this is her last week of school we will get to spend all that time with her.

This week will be nice and easy. I have a couple of days of work at the family business and then my aunt comes in to town for her visit in which I have a week off. YEAH! Then I will start my new job beginning with training. I am looking forward to it all.

My apartment is really coming along nicely. Really starting to feel like a real home. I have made sure as I am shopping to buy the items that I really want and not to skimp on stuff I think I can get by with. I want to really love what I live with - make my home my sanctuary. So far so good. I have purchased a white noise machine off of craigslist which I am really excited to try out this evening. My dad put up my shelves above my desk and my couch is really comfy. I also put up these really beautiful curtains in my bedroom that are slightly sheer. Just sheer enough so my cats can see out of them and not sheer enough for anyone to see in. They also keep out the light in the early morning which is really great for sleeping in. Today will be the first day in awhile that I will sit down at my desk and be able to have space to work on my scrapbook projects that have been building for oh at least a year. I am really excited to be finally doing some of the things I enjoy hobby-wise. And the shelves help get all the crap off my floor that has no where else to go. After watching a video on Creating Keepsakes I noticed that Erin’s stuff is organized in boxes with labels on the front. That is what I am planning to do with the shelves. Each box will contain ribbon, stamps, stamp pads, etc. This should make it beyond easy to find things while I am working. Organization is good.

I am in the process of training for a new job and it is really exciting and a little nerve-wracking at the same time. But last night I had the ultimate laugh of my life.

We were sitting in the training room, myself and three other guys waiting for the person who would go through orientation. And it was dead silent. None of the guys were even breathing. I don’t know if they were nervous or if they just weren’t sure they should talk. I leaned into the table and said, “Wow, this is like being on an elevator, huh?”

They all laughed uneasily.

Hmm, well that didn’t work.

“Have you guys worked here before?”

1: Yes, I worked at their other location for a little while.”

2: This is my first job ever.

3: No, I worked with my dad for sometime.

“Very cool.” Alrighty then. Not major talkers. Then again, I never met a guy that spilled his guts.

silence

“What position are you here for?”

1: Sales clerk

2: Sales clerk

3: Sales Clerk

“Nice. Any particular area?”

They all shrug. So I talked a bit about my position, but the conversation ended there. I thought I would give silence a chance. After a little while they started talking amongst themselves.

3. “You go to (insert school here) right?”

1. “Yeah. You?”

3. “(insert grade). What grade are you in?”

1. Junior ——–

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!? Holy crap, they are talking about being in high school! One is a junior and the other two are seniors. After a moment they all stopped talking and looked at me. I could hear myself blinking.

“Oh. I have already had my ten year high school reunion.” And then I laughed because I was so embarrassed and felt like such an old ass. I wasn’t sure these guys would relate to me anymore than I relate to my parents on occasion, but it was funny because I had been in their shoes (mentally not too long ago) and when you are in high school your entire world is the size of your school and the mall.

They looked at me for a bit and then laughed themselves. I don’t think they thought I was as old as I am. Surprisingly they weren’t uncomfortable and did an amazing job of keeping me in the conversation. I respect that. Nice guys.

Young, but nice guys.

I think this was my very first real experience with actually feeling old sitting in a room talking to people. It struck me that I had at least ten years separating me and these other guys - TEN YEARS. Which is the age of a child, and not necessarily a young one.

It doesn’t scare me or make me want to freak out. In fact, I was pleased with how “in” I felt; how well I could relate to these guys. But it did grab me for minute that I was quite a bit older. I am usually the youngest person in the room by well, at least ten years.

I have been pretty disappointed in Petsmart very recently. I have been a member for at least five years with their pets perk card. I have spent at least $100 per month on my cats there - at least and I am sure it is way more. I buy all  my cat dry food, canned food, litter box supplies, toys, cat supplies (collars, scratching posts) and I have even bought a cat tree there. You name it and I buy it at Petsmart. Let me also add that I get my cat groomed at their grooming shop within Petsmart.

BUT

I have cats.

Not dogs.

And therefore I am apparently, according to Petsmart, not as important a customer as someone who owns dogs. Petsmart does not feel the need to send their CAT OWNERS COUPONS.

My mother has two yorkies and I can honestly say does not buy half what I buy at Petsmart. YET she receives coupons on a monthly basis. Also when my husband and I lived together the coupons I received were always for the DOG FOOD.

WHY?????

After one brief stop at Petco where I spent twice as much, I am back to shopping at Petsmart. And to say the least I am not happy about shopping there. I will be investigating shopping elsewhere for my cat needs simply because it would be really nice to actually receive a good coupon for a good customer from a happy Petsmart. But maybe I am asking too much.

Has anyone else noticed this? Do you get coupons from Petsmart being a cat owner? Do you get many coupons being a dog owner?

update: as I finished writing this post I received a coupon by email from Petsmart. someone was obviously paying attention. synchronicity?? who cares, a coupon is a coupon and I will happily take it.