eRamblings

Okay so I am totally doing this on Wednesday because, well that is just how I roll. Actually I was posting my post it note tuesday and when visiting SupahMommy’s blog this topic was just too hot to not blog about. And when I say hot, I mean say too f*ckin funny.

A.   List of your top 5  relationship dealbreakers. ( friend, family,  in laws, etc) 

(rubbing my hands together - mwahhhhhh)

1. If you have to pick the guy up in your car bc he needs a designated driver

2. If the man carries a wad of cash that is rubber banded together or if his wallet is rubber banded together (i mean come on, get some of that money out and buy yourself a nice wallet)

3. If the man goes for the door first - and walks in slamming the door in your face

4. If the guy is wearing so much cologne he smells like he just came from a whore house

5. If he just came from a whore house

6. If the man goes to order and he ends up sounding like Sally on When Harry met Sally - uhm, I’ll have the salad, but with the tomatoes and dressing on the side. I’ll have the steak, but the sauce and mushrooms in a dish on the side and the potatoes but the butter in a slab . . .

7. If the man has a God complex - oh wait, that’s all men - my bad

8. If the man doesn’t know who the president is and can’t talk about anything else but how his younger brother won’t stop taking his playstation games

9. If the guy meets you by saying any of the below -

Your legs must be tired, bc you’ve been walking thru my mind all night

Those clothes look good on you, but would look better on my floor

You remind me of my sister

You remind me of my last girlfriend, she was such a biotch, nothing like you

10. If the guy tells me what he wants to see me dressed in when he picks me up (f*ck that sh*t)

Visit other Supah MEme’s at SupahMommy

But not in the way that requires me to figure out what he means and how he feels. It more of the amazing dynamic of challenging me in a good way.

(post it note not long enough for my bitching - (con’t) - If it’s shipped there, then by god there is an FN shipping charge. Pay up and shut up!!)

(more bitching too long - Funny how the tv that’s eleven years old is still ticking)

(con’t - I am a manager at my dream job! How lucky am I?!)

JEEZ, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A LONGER POST IT NOTE???

Visit SupahMommy for more awesome Stickies!!

Dear dear shoppers I have been in retail for over a decade and thought I throw out a few pieces of things that I have come across that may affect the way you shop.

• If you are mean you will not get help. In fact it will only make my personality come out like I do not care. Because if you are mean, I do not care
• If you are nice, I will do everything in my power to help you
• If you approach me with the statement I realize you don’t do this, but - IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. If you’ve ever worked in retail you are so aware of all the people who think they are the exception to the rule and you know that this is one of the things at the top of the list of things you will not do.
•  I cannot get the CEO on the phone. I am just one of the little people and will gladly take suggestions, but YELLING at me is kind of pointless. FILL OUT A COMMENT CARD it will go straight to corporate.
• Telling me “I can’t believe you don’t know where such and such is” even though we have a billion products is completely unrealistic.
• Telling me “I can’t believe you don’t carry such and such” is stupid because if you truly wanted to go to a store that has everything on the planet try searching google.
• Knocking on the door before or after we open will not get me to open for you. We have posted hours - use them.
• If you don’t have a receipt we do not know how you paid, how much you paid or when you paid and though you are all honest people out there (snort) I cannot take your word and give you cash back or put it back on the card you supposedly paid with.
• All food is charged back whether you just carried it around in your cart for an hour (imagine a gallon of milk) or brought it back because it is the wrong size, color, weight, etc. No we cannot donate it because there are weird mother f*&%$s who do creepy things to food. Don’t put food in your cart unless you really, really want it.
• It is so incredibly helpful if you hand a cashier, guest service person or just simply a clerk working any unwanted items rather than shoving them on the closest shelf. Imagine you are at home, would you just shove whatever on any shelf? Would you want friends and family to shove odd ball items on your shelves?
• Do not yell at me when I offer to help you and you don’t need it because when you do and I don’t offer - well that’s gonna piss you off more.
• Register etiquette - it is a must in order to keep my job to ask if you want a credit card. Get over it. Say no politely and move on.
• If you spill something, or your kid spills something, tell someone because the next person that walks by will inevitable slip and sue and that’s just a big pain in the ass. Remember it could be you that walks into that spill.
• If a worker gives you really great service TELL SOMEONE or fill out of comment card. Good people are a bit hard to come by and we usually only get the negative comments.
• Do you really think I (or anyone else for that matter) is going to tell you, if and when a certain product will be going on sale or clearance? Yes I do know that and no I won’t be telling you. Sorry.  You do realize I could lose my job for that.
• I understand people who want to look at furniture, before buying and taking it home, to see if there are any scratches, but when you are buying a $50 piece and then ask me to open four or five different boxes - WAKE UP - it’s a $50 piece of furniture, what did you expect?
• Those of you who return dead plants that you killed; the planting soil, the pot and all - uhm, I don’t know what to say to you, but really? Returning a plant? Why don’t you just return the food you didn’t eat which spoiled in your fridge.
• I am all about price matching and helping our customers, but when you read a sign wrong, well, you read the sign wrong and just because you read the sign wrong does not mean you get that price. Get over it. I do it too. But you read it wrong. Plain and simple.
• My least favorite comment and when I want to punch someone is when they say something to the effect of, “Oh, you don’t have it. Well I am just going to go to such and such to get it. They have it” Fabulous. Go to such and such. I don’t care, but standing there telling me like some two year old is really annoying.

Why is it that parent’s think that bringing their kids to a store about ten minutes before they close and letting them run amok destroying the place (specifically the kids run up and down the aisles knocking crap off the shelves or pulling toys out of the boxes and leaving it all over the floor) is an okay thing to do? I realize it’s a public place. I realize that it’s a distraction to the kids for the parent’s - kind of like a park, but one they can visit at night. BUT REALLY?! Any idea how much it annoys me when I have less than an hour to make the store look beautiful?

Our tv at work officially died a few months ago which is apparently devastating to most people I work with. I on the other hand was thrilled. It was always loud and people argue over who is watching what.  For what seemed like not long enough our people were talking to each other, real conversations and reading, then talking about the books. It actually seemed like a collaborative work space. Today I walked in and there on top of the fridge sat the most colossal flat screen. Hideously ugly and smug. God how I missed the endless shows of Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, Bonnie Hunt and all the other brain cell killers that are played so loud I can’t think straight. Is it really so hard to find other ways to spend your lunch break?

Ok so it is officially Halloween in the stores. Ugh! My least favorite holiday. I hate all the horrible scary stuff. And gross stuff. Just awful. I was cleaning up the section the other night and I had one bat in my left hand and a spider in the other, trying to carry them without touching them. So my fingers were carrying the little tag that attaches and I was carrying them as far away from my body as possible. I look up ant there is this boy about seven years old maybe, watching me with this quirky grin on his face. I said, Hey these are SO gross! He giggled and was completely laughing inside at my grossness. It was cute. Kind of a reverse life. I am supposed to be the adult where nothing really phases me.

I love my fellow bloggers. They are incredibly kind and write such family friendly posts, but aren’t there any people out there that are a little like me? Recently divorced, working women? I have been searching and wondering. I have found millions of wonderful mommy bloggers, but what about more that relates to my life? Is there a gap in this market?

Crazy ass shit that has just been clogging up my brain for the past weeks and I don’t know what to do with it, so I am going to vomit all over the table and confess it all on my blog. (let me apologize to my dad in advance because the first thing he will say is i’m airing my dirty laundry for the whole world) I don’t care. I just have to get it off my chest and then roll with it all. Maybe I might actually get some advice that I can use here too.

Have you ever wanted something and then once you got it you realized it really isn’t what you wanted, but rather it was what you already had right in front of your face that you were completely missing? This is a long and complicated story, so here goes nothing.

In May I met this guy, now let me preface this word “meet” with the fact that we have known each other for a bit on the very soft acquaintances side. We know of each other and we have talked and that is about it. I felt he was a good guy. He was ending a long relationship which he talked to me about and so we kind of understood each other. Also, he was someone I thought would be fun to hang out with and I get along with. He asked me to catch a baseball game and I accepted.

My goal, at the time, was to build up relationships to include new friends - male or female - whatever was going to build friendships. I was ready to get out and have a good time; meet new people and try new things.

Needless to say I had a fabulous time with this guy and his friends. We talked, drank beer and basically just lived up the nice cool ballpark atmosphere. That was it. We then proceed to get together occasionally to grab a beer - with and without other people.

We agreed after much consultation to a very, very casual relationship. He was just getting out of a serious relationship and I didn’t want anything serious, just something to take the edge off being lonely. There was to be no strings, no complications and no talking about the whole thing. It is what it is. At any time one of us could opt out of it. We even agreed that if we wanted to date other people we could, but I knew deep down I didn’t date other people. I never had. I never would be one of those women who brought more than one man in my life at a time. I just wasn’t like that no matter how casual the thing was.

FACT - I was definitely attracted to this guy from the beginning. He is incredibly sexy, but isn’t that the kind of guy I should have a casual relationship with? Why would I choose someone I am not attracted to?

FACT - I didn’t want or need a relationship. Relationships complicate things. People do this all the time. Why couldn’t I?

FACT - I knew when I walked into this with eyes open that I have never had a casual relationship before. I was slightly concerned, but did it anyway.

I will admit I deeply envy the women who can date more than one man at once (sleep with more than one man) because these women can cross the normal boundaries that I cannot. (I choose not) This does not make it wrong, hell I have a close friend right now who for awhile was a different man every night. I thought it was exciting and scary at the same time. Heaven forbid she run into one of them. What do you say? But she wasn’t concerned no matter how many times I expressed my angst. More power to her.

Over the past couple of months, I have been really going out and having a blast. Feels like my time I should have had in my 20s. A weekend rarely went by that we didn’t close the bars. Hangovers be damned, it was fun. And I have gained so many different types of friends it made it rare and special.

Time was flying by.

All of a sudden I find myself in the midst of a male situation.

There is a guy (we’ll call him Funny Guy) that I was friends with who was part of a collective group of drinking friends. He kissed another of my friends which immediately makes him off limits even if nothing came of it. One night when it ended up being just the two of us he confessed to wanting to kiss me. Thank god he asked me, because I could say no. Had Funny Guy just kissed me I might have very well kissed him back.  I am currently in the process of avoiding his calls and texts which I find juvenile and repugnant, but I’ve already told him no and I don’t know what else to say except bringing on the tough love. Because we have mutual friends, I am guaranteed to run into him eventually though. For now, the whole uncomfortable situation is on the back burner, but in my mind it is already a closed discussion.

In the background of all of this, is still this guy that I have been “spending time with” and having a non-committal casual thing (we’ll call him Casual Guy). Not a relationship mind you, at least not in my mind. We weren’t even getting together on a regular basis. It was that casual. It was whenever the moment strikes us. And no, I wasn’t just kissing this guy. It was thrilling and rejuvenating. It was a secret. So when people asked me, I said no I wasn’t dating anyone; there wasn’t anyone important in my life because to me it wasn’t a relationship. But deep down inside I know me and I knew it was inevitable it would have to rise to the surface somehow, sometime.

Add to all of this, there was this guy from the past that when we were hanging out before I knew we both had some basic feelings for each other (Past Guy). It was obvious, but nothing ever came of it and we drifted apart. Oh and ps - he snubbed me a bit. Just a bit ago, or so, Past Guy resurfaced and I immediately felt those feelings rise to the surface that I had before. I agreed to hang out with him. We saw a movie, we had dinner. We had a great time the couple of times we hung out together. I liked him, but to what extent I didn’t know nor was I really considering it. It could have potential, but I am not sure.

I am a woman who can be attracted to a guy til I kiss him, even then I might need some time to process, but I usually know within 24 hours after kissing whether it is a possibility for me. Something was missing. I knew it.

After processing this, I figured out what - Casual Guy.

When I was thinking about Past Guy, I knew that I would have to break things off with casual guy in order to have anything with Past Guy. And I knew immediately -

I have developed feelings for Casual Guy.

I don’t want to let Casual Guy go. The thing about casual guy is he has this incredible subtle way of showing he cares, so much so that if I don’t pay attention I will miss it.  For example, we were meeting up for drinks one evening and as I walked in he said, “I picked this place because I love the wine here, but I didn’t know if you liked wine so I made sure they had the beer I know you like.” I mean hello, how sweet is that? For one, he remembered what I liked and two, he considered my feelings. He does this kind of thing all the time. He will put my leftovers in the fridge after dinner so they stay cold til I leave. He just pays attention. He listens. When I start to lose it and I come out and tell him something that bothers me, he comes back like ten minutes later and simply addresses it. He doesn’t ignore me or make a big deal about it. He just gets it. Dag nubit, if he hasn’t slowly wormed his way into my heart. The thing that gets me, though is that when I leave him I have these butterflies and tingles. I am excited when I see him. I almost feel giddy. (this is where my dad thinks I put too much stock in feelings) It isn’t that I see potential with Casual Guy, quite honestly I don’t know how he feels about me and honestly I don’t really want to know. I like the way it is all unanswered and unconditional. I like that we don’t have to have the “let’s label this thing” conversation. It is very not like me at all. I am always so quick to want to know what is going on and how to label it just to make myself feel better. I like the mystery of it all. I also like that we don’t do anything special. It is all really down to earth simple stuff, like watching tv, going to the driving range, kicking back at the pool. I like that I just enjoy being with him and I like that he seems content with me too.

I am now in a predicament. I don’t lie to people. Ever. I am learning, however, to filter what is and is not necessary to add to the situation. (if you ask me this is lying, but apparently it’s not the world wide opinion)

What do I do?

Do I continue to see both guys without their knowledge?

This means

• I will have to break this non talking thing and voice my feelings with Casual Guy (or do I?)
• I will have to come to terms with this whole, not telling the whole truth
• I would be entering new territory for me, dating two guys at once

Or do I end it before it starts with Past Guy because I know I have feelings for Casual Guy?

This means -

• I won’t have to lie
• I won’t have to date more than one guy
• I may be able to salvage my friendship with Past Guy (in theory)
• But I may be giving up something that could have potential given more time

Or I could just suck it up and break the news to Past Guy that there has in fact been a not so important guy in my life that I realized I had feelings for when he came in the picture.  But I don’t want to hurt Past Guy or quite frankly own up to the fact that I should have probably mentioned this before we kissed.

I’m stumped. But I gotta say, this is not a bad predicament to be in.

Should I have called this post, it’s raining men?

Wordless Wednesday

I have never been one of those women who hates to try on clothes. I have never been one of those women who despises the dressing room. I am not saying clothes always look good on me, I just can’t imagine not liking the process of going into a store, seeing all the wonderful designs, colors and not wanting to Slide, shimmy or place them on my body.

I love clothes. I always have. Even when they didn’t fit right or look good on me. I still love the process.

But today, I got a taste of that “I hate trying on clothes” mentality that I hear women speak about.

I went to find a swim suit to workout in. A speedo suit. One that fits tight enough to stay on while working out, but loose enough to breath.

All I could think the entire time was how I did not remember them being so tight, so uncomfortable. If they had a camera in that dressing room then they definitely would have won a million dollars with America’s Funniest Home Videos. I had to do all those really sexy maneuvers to get it up over my hips, then practically pull my skin off to get it over my shoulders and finally slide and adjust to make the suit flat against my skin. Wow the pain and huffing and puffing that was going on in that dressing room. Exhausting.

More than a few times I wished I had taken my mother with me so that, as I did when I was younger, I could have her slide her hands under the shoulder straps to tell me if it fit right. Or maybe just to tell me I wasn’t crazy. I tried somewhere around thirty suits - one pieces and two.

It was a bit discouraging too. Was it really going to be this hard to get back into swimming? I can’t even get into a suit. Will I be able to swim laps for hours? Think of all the pain and sore muscles I experienced when I was young and fit. Can I really grin and bear it?

The fact is, it has been a long time since I committed to a goal that would kick my ass and make me really want something. This is it. This is a goal that will definitely challenge me.

It’s funny wandering through the swim shop and seeing all the different products I used to use on a daily basis and knowing that eventually I will have to buy them - kick boards, pull buoys, hand paddles, drag suits, etc. I kept thinking now where did I leave those? They probably died in my parent’s backyard ages ago, but I can’t be sure. Such sacred things completely disappeared without a trace or second thought. How odd. Ten years of my life forgotten.

The one thing I know I want is some sort of music device. My parents bought me a radio head set that clipped on to my goggles and that was by far the coolest thing ever because humming 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall got kind of old. Really. Ever wonder what those Olympic swimmers are thinking during the mile? Oh yea, they’re singing some stupid, weird song in their head or making out a grocery list or something else really off the wall. The mile is swam in at least fifteen minutes. That’s a long time compared to the sprint of less than 25 seconds.

I think one of my favorite things we used to do was to get the feel of swimming real fast. To know how the water was supposed to feel moving around my body aerodynamically, I would hook a harness to my body that was hooked to the side of the pool, then swim as far across the pool as possible (usually drag myself the rest of the way by pulling the lane ropes). I would hold on to the other side of the pool while still bundgied to the other side then let go and swim while being hauled (by the bungee cord) back to the other side. I would just fly through the water.

We had a thing every year called Hell Week, where our coaches would think up the worst possible swim practices ever to get us to work our bodies til we were exhausted. We needed to know what it felt like to give every ounce we could. Funny how I actually liked these times (sadomasochistic?). The worst was probably when he had us do an IM (all four strokes) that lasted the entire swim practice. Somewhere around two and a half hours. What I really loved was when we swam the length of the pool (25 or 50 meters - we were lucky to swim at an awesome facility, top notch) and then get out and do a push up, get back in and swim the length and get out to do a sit up. Oh man, the crazy stuff we did to become incredible athletes.

I swam for 10 years on both my school teams and the swim club. Six days a week I had practice twice a day for two hours with swim meets on the weekends. In the mornings, we would lift weights or do circuits, then swim. The afternoons we would do cardio and then swim. I remember how much fun high school swim practice was because it was a breeze compared to the national swim team I was on.

It was such a long time ago.

Today, I bought two swim suits, a couple of swim caps and another pair of really awesome swedish goggles (metallic mirrored).

It is so weird to have these memories floating around. The smell of the rubber suits, the clink of the goggles. They bring back these wild feelings, crazy pictures. It makes my heart beat faster and my want and need to do this more possible. I remember the adrenaline rush, the power I felt. It was incredible.

Found this sight with all the swim terminology anyone could possible need.

I gotta say I was the spitting image of hotness today when I ventured out after dinner to get water in my tank, bermudas, striped fuzzy socks and slippers. I mean a real sex pot. I was about half way there when it occurred to me I probably looked like I got dressed in the dark.

This past weekend my parent’s and I created the most delicious breakfast with some of the incredible foods we picked up at the fresh food market. My mom and I went to two in one day. Not planned, but she didn’t find what she was looking for at the first and we just wanted to go to the bigger one to begin with. I have been in heaven, drowning in fresh fruits and vegetables. I even found this really cool ring made out of bamboo. I just love the experience of going to the market. The people, the atmosphere, the dogs, the smells and sounds. It is all so wonderfully delightful.

This guy was so artfully dressed, I just had to take a pic. I just love his suspenders and the feather in his hat just makes me smile.

These have to be the most beautiful sunflowers I have seen in so long. I should have bought some, but I was too busy taking pictures. Don’t they just scream friendly and sunshine. One of my favorite flowers because of their simple cheerfulness.

And the CUTEST puppy EVER?!

Here’s a pic of the breakfast we made. Check out the veggies in there - broccoli, peppers, cheese. We paired it with toast dripping with jelly - oh wait just mine was dripping with jelly. My dad makes the absolutely best omelets and egg sandwiches ever!! My niece keeps saying how he needs to open a restaurant for them. I was thinking he should call it Bampy’s Bad Ass Breakfasts.

I have been living up life. Truly enjoying myself. It keeps amazing me how wonderful life is when I live in the moment. It really is like having my cake and eating it too. Simply breath taking. Funny how I always thought time would slow down if I lived in the moment, but in reality it speeds up. I am always trying to breath in the moments as they are passing. I think I will always be one of those peeps who thinks about the future, planning ahead, but I am now able to look in the past and see how far I’ve come. I appreciate my history so much more all the while relishing in the now.

Work has been keeping me busy. I am finally feeling more like myself. Kicking ass and taking names. Most days at work I feel like a fucking queen. I leave thinking - that was so awesome! I love days like that. I am hoping for a promotion, but (surprisingly) I am okay to wait because I know that it is inevitable. I am doing a good job and I know it. I am really enjoying the people I work with too. I picked up a sequel to The Five Love Languages and it includes how to apply it for work relationships. Seems to be working.

I have been a reading fiend lately too. I really have to choose between blogging and reading. I can’t seem to figure out how to do both. I read Nora Robert’s newest book Vision in White. I just got sucked into the romance of it. Ironically too, I was intrigued by the wedding business seeing as how our family did quite a bit of that with our business. I picked up a book the other day (ack! feeding my habit) that was too good to pass up - Francine Prose, Reading like a Writer: a guide for people who love books and for those who want to write them. Other ones I have read lately are American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld (oddly very similar to the political events during Bush administration) and Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Naht Hanh.

I have been having a blast going out with friends and grabbing a beer after work. Who knew I liked beer? I am definitely a darker, heavier beer lover, but I have been tasting them like wine to find the ones I like.

Father’s day was very fun though my dad and I celebrated it a week earlier because my gift to him was a baseball game. We ended up taking my mom and a girl friend of mine. My dad laughed because he said at one point my friend and I were both talking so fast that we were talking at the same time. It was great to get out, catch a game and drink a beer. I had so much fun. I felt like I cheated my dad. Like giving a guy lingerie for a gift - really the gift is for the girl, I mean she gets to wear it, y’know?

My new favorite song? Check it out here.

It takes 21 days to start a habit - so they say.

It has been 21 days since I quit smoking. I will freely admit without ANY type of cheating. No quick little puffs. No digging through the butts (ew, but seriously been done before).  This not cheating thing I am very proud of. Every time in the past I have cheated. I do have a friend at work who is also trying to quit who has been kind enough to pass me a stick of Nicorette gum a couple of times to kill the really bad shakes. Tastes like crap but definitely helped get me through a couple of really tough evenings.

I have pushed myself outside. Into the sea of cravings and habitual times. But stayed strong. My love of the outdoors has made that possible. Although I have made sure to surround myself with people who do not smoke. I don’t feel the need to push myself into to much pressure. A little at a time is good. Lately it is really just a fleeting thought.

Every time I think about it a quiver goes through my body and this grin spreads across my face that just won’t go away. It is so wonderful to know I am getting through this.

I have wanted to quit for years. For so many years, I have hated the smell, the taste, the habit itself. It sucks up my life and my time. I will say my favorite part was the camaraderie that was built over the ash tray no matter what I was. But we are a dying breed, literally and at $8 a pack I am saving at least $32 a week.

Savings of over $120 a month.

Not hacking and coughing.

Being able to breath at night.

Better chance of iving longer - priceless.