eRamblings

MOM boxes = morning of moving boxes

This is where my mother tells me every day, twice a day, to make sure I pack my morning of box so that I know where to find the coffee machine and all my other necessities.

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Izabel is scared. I can see it. She runs to me about every ten minutes and gives me kisses (where she reaches up and touches her nose to my mouth, smelling my breath) and then stands there not knowing what to do with herself. She eventually retreats back to her one spot on the bed.  But I can tell she doesn’t know what to do or where to go. Tuesday, on the other hand, is psychotically making circles round the apartment. She runs at top speed knocking stuff over and hitting the walls meowing as she goes. Not sure if it’s nerves or just thrilled to have some space to run.

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I am literally shoulder deep in boxes. In the past two days I have packed up my kitchen, living room, office and dining room. Just finished the bathroom, minus the shower curtain and towels. Tonight I will be breaking down the closet and drawers while washing the sheets. And tomorrow I have the morning to finish it all.

Holy crap I don’t know how I’ll be ready.

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I’ve reached the point where I am ready to just start throwing crap in boxes. There is all this random stuff left and I am not sure how to organize it. The annoyed what the hell do I do with non-organized stuff usually throws it out, but I think tossing it in a box and writing misc on it should be good enough for now.

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It’s the morning of and I was driving home this morning to make coffee and realized that though I remembered to not pack the coffee machine, I packed every single one of my coffee mugs. (refer back to beginning of this post - mom boxes). I pulled into the nearest gas station and grabbed some coffee and donuts. As I was pouring in cream and sugar I noticed they have flavors, so I treated myself to raspberry flavor shots in my coffee. I gotta say I may be investing in flavor bottles just to spice up my decaf coffee. I can’t seem to find the Ghiradelli chocolate coffee I love so much. I have settled on Dunkin Donuts, but it isn’t flavored with chocolate or anything. I didn’t like the idea of buying flavors to pour in my coffee simply because I am spending more money, but it is nice to have the taste.

So here I am sitting in front of my desk, crunching the box underneath me, drinking my coffee and eating my donuts. Outside of the music I am playing it is very peaceful. I am relishing this because I know in about four hours my dad will be coming over to oversee the process.  When he wants something done he is a commander. That’s why I like it. Things get done, but once he gets here there will be no silence until the move is over. Again, why I like it. But for just a little while I am going to breathe. Sitting here drinking my coffee - the donuts are gone.

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Song of the day - here. (#4)

More from Wordless Wednesday

Dear dear shoppers I have been in retail for over a decade and thought I throw out a few pieces of things that I have come across that may affect the way you shop.

• If you are mean you will not get help. In fact it will only make my personality come out like I do not care. Because if you are mean, I do not care
• If you are nice, I will do everything in my power to help you
• If you approach me with the statement I realize you don’t do this, but - IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. If you’ve ever worked in retail you are so aware of all the people who think they are the exception to the rule and you know that this is one of the things at the top of the list of things you will not do.
•  I cannot get the CEO on the phone. I am just one of the little people and will gladly take suggestions, but YELLING at me is kind of pointless. FILL OUT A COMMENT CARD it will go straight to corporate.
• Telling me “I can’t believe you don’t know where such and such is” even though we have a billion products is completely unrealistic.
• Telling me “I can’t believe you don’t carry such and such” is stupid because if you truly wanted to go to a store that has everything on the planet try searching google.
• Knocking on the door before or after we open will not get me to open for you. We have posted hours - use them.
• If you don’t have a receipt we do not know how you paid, how much you paid or when you paid and though you are all honest people out there (snort) I cannot take your word and give you cash back or put it back on the card you supposedly paid with.
• All food is charged back whether you just carried it around in your cart for an hour (imagine a gallon of milk) or brought it back because it is the wrong size, color, weight, etc. No we cannot donate it because there are weird mother f*&%$s who do creepy things to food. Don’t put food in your cart unless you really, really want it.
• It is so incredibly helpful if you hand a cashier, guest service person or just simply a clerk working any unwanted items rather than shoving them on the closest shelf. Imagine you are at home, would you just shove whatever on any shelf? Would you want friends and family to shove odd ball items on your shelves?
• Do not yell at me when I offer to help you and you don’t need it because when you do and I don’t offer - well that’s gonna piss you off more.
• Register etiquette - it is a must in order to keep my job to ask if you want a credit card. Get over it. Say no politely and move on.
• If you spill something, or your kid spills something, tell someone because the next person that walks by will inevitable slip and sue and that’s just a big pain in the ass. Remember it could be you that walks into that spill.
• If a worker gives you really great service TELL SOMEONE or fill out of comment card. Good people are a bit hard to come by and we usually only get the negative comments.
• Do you really think I (or anyone else for that matter) is going to tell you, if and when a certain product will be going on sale or clearance? Yes I do know that and no I won’t be telling you. Sorry.  You do realize I could lose my job for that.
• I understand people who want to look at furniture, before buying and taking it home, to see if there are any scratches, but when you are buying a $50 piece and then ask me to open four or five different boxes - WAKE UP - it’s a $50 piece of furniture, what did you expect?
• Those of you who return dead plants that you killed; the planting soil, the pot and all - uhm, I don’t know what to say to you, but really? Returning a plant? Why don’t you just return the food you didn’t eat which spoiled in your fridge.
• I am all about price matching and helping our customers, but when you read a sign wrong, well, you read the sign wrong and just because you read the sign wrong does not mean you get that price. Get over it. I do it too. But you read it wrong. Plain and simple.
• My least favorite comment and when I want to punch someone is when they say something to the effect of, “Oh, you don’t have it. Well I am just going to go to such and such to get it. They have it” Fabulous. Go to such and such. I don’t care, but standing there telling me like some two year old is really annoying.

The other day I woke up with a small headache and didn’t think much of it. With allergies being kind of crazy lately it isn’t something new for me. As I was getting ready for work I realized it really was a headache and so I took some aspirin, but an hour or so after I got to work it was a full blown migraine. I couldn’t see very well, my equilibrium was way off and I felt sick to my stomach among the other standard headache symptoms.  I went home and passed out for four hours, but when I woke up it was still there in the back of my head.  I got up and ate some food then slept again for about eight hours, but even then it was still there. It finally seemed to lessen when I officially woke up the next morning almost twenty hours later. I couldn’t believe it.

The migraine had come on so fast and it had stayed with me longer than I remember ever having one.

Now days later, I still feel as if I have a headache just lingering. I am concerned that it could turn into a migraine at any moment, but have been really light on the medication.

I am guessing if it isn’t allergy it could very well be a bit of stress. I have been feeling a strain with all that is going on in my life right now which is completely ironic because it is all good stuff, but I think the change alone has me miffed.

In about ten days I will be moving into my new apartment - finally for all the people asking if I have moved yet. I unofficially accepted an offer at my second job for full time employment I am just waiting for the offer in writing to give my two weeks at my first job.

Though these don’t seem like much to me they are huge, so many factors and so many possibilities of different outcomes. Mix that with the fact that I have been working sixty hour weeks and I am a bit overwhelmed. (and just a bit of a tid bit - I started keeping a toothbrush at Raindrop’s house last week)

I will have three days to pack all my stuff and one day to move it then a day to unpack and a day to clean the old place. I am pretty sure it is more than enough time to do it, but I keep wondering if I have enough boxes, if I will pack well enough, will I have enough people to make it easy, what about all the heavy items - and the worries just go on.

And as far as the new job go, with my apartment stretching my budget a bit I am trying not to focus on the fact that I hope I am good enough to keep my job. A friend of our family just signed on a new house and she has just lost her job. Holy cow, does that frighten me. Not to  mention just being new at a place gives me the willies. Not that I am not used to it being that we often moved while a I was a child.

It’s just this change thing.

I like change, just not at first. At first I fight it. I try to ignore it. Then one day I wake up and it is the norm and all is well. I know this. But it doesn’t seem to be making it easier.

Met up with a couple of my girlfriends and some of their girlfriends and basically had a blast. A couple of drinks and hours of dancing amidst a sea of people. I dig that.

Well most of it anyway.

What drives me nuts is the guys who insist on grinding their cock against your ass. WTF? Do they really think that is sexy? Do they really think a girl is gonna go home with them because of it? Course I do suppose it’s happened once or twice. But hello, I am not going to meet my future husband in a bar, then again I suppose that isn’t what most drunk people are thinking about at 1am.

We have devised a nice little plan that seems to work, but last night was oh so efficient. Whenever one of us is having a guy grinding problem we raise our hands in the air which signals to us that they’ve had enough. We grab that particular girl’s hands and swing them through the middle of our group and to the other side. Completely away from the guy, cutting off any entry to our circle. It looks like a simple dance move. No harm no foul. But let me tell you some guys are so clueless.  Couple of them kept edging their way around continuously harassing and just being an ass. Finally we got fed up and decided to tell them to bugger off which I hate because it should be a fun and relaxing night, but the guys get pissed when you tell them no.

Gotta say I also left with a bad impression of one of my closest friends. We were all dancing in our circle and out of the corner of my eye I see her hand grab something. I turn and she is taking a full beer from some guy we had exited from the grinding earlier and raising it to her mouth. I grabbed it, sloshing it over the edge and looked directly at her screaming “Are you fucking nuts? NO!!” And then pushed the full beer back into the guys hand. He looked a bit confused then shrugged. Not two seconds later I had to grab the beer from her again. I had had enough. I am not a frickin parent, so I turned the guy around and pushed him away from us.  I mean does she know nothing? You never, ever take a drink from someone’s drink unless you know them really well, especially if out and about on the town. Does she know nothing about roofies? I mean, who does that? WHO. DOES. THAT.???

Other than that I had an absolutely fabulous time considering I didn’t want to go out in the first place as it was after working a closing shift. I was a bit tired.

Song of the night right here (skip to 1:34/3:08 if you can) couldn’t find the much better remix version we heard last night though but it’s still the song we were all singing as we left

I find myself, almost two years later making similar changes that changed my entire life, but I think as before they are changes for the better. Not just baby steps in the right direction, but real moves to set me up for the life I want to live. The place I want to be in life, not just today, but many years in the future too.

My second job offered me a full time position today. They used to have a floor supervisor position which in the recent economy they hadn’t filled, but feel I would be a good fit. I haven’t accepted yet. We will retalk next week. I need to crunch some numbers and just make sure it is what I want.  But on all levels I feel like this company, this job is perfect for me.

It will make my outsides match my insides.

There was a day very recently that I left my first job completely upset - tired, headache, body sore and just truly wanting to go hide in bed to recoup, but I had to go to my second job that night. After ten minutes of being there, I completely forgot how awful my day had been before I got there. I was laughing and relaxed. Peace radiating from within.  The atmosphere at my second job is incredible. The people are wonderful, shockingly enough that includes the customers. I don’t even know what it is specifically that they do differently except that I am treated like a human being, not a robot who must work harder and faster at all times.

I am happy and peaceful right now. In all areas of my life, but one. My job. My first job is stressful and way too much at times. I deal because that is what I do. I am happy because that is who I am. But to replace that one last thing would make me that much happier.

Seems a bit unrealistic looking back to know that I have come so far and survived through so much.

Once again, I am changing where I live, what I do and solidifying who I am. For the first time in so many years, I finally feel like the real me. That bubbly, overall cheerful person who just adjusts to whatever because I don’t care what comes my way because I know it’s nothing to me. I will always overcome obstacles. Just the past decade it hasn’t been with as much gusto as I used to have. So much has happened. So many things I thought I had left behind, but really have been carrying the whole time. I have finally forgiven myself, those involved and the circumstances that became.

Now things just roll off. With very little effort or concern. Nothing can really defeat my happiness because it comes from within.

How very long and hard the road has been to allow me to see that again.

My happiness comes from within.

No one can make me feel anything. It is my choice.

No one can make me do anything. It is my choice.

I choose to be happy and at peace. I choose to be a good person, someone who is open to all people and possibilities.

Not to say I won’t have bad days because without them I can’t truly enjoy the good ones.  But it is breath of fresh air to have a multitude of incredible days.

Things have been going really well for me lately. I find myself in this predicament I haven’t been in for quite some time.

I’m happy.

Life is good.

And I’m scared shitless. Waiting for something to go wrong. Just waiting. Expecting the worst. And yet, I am trying to push that fear aside to focus on the fact that it feels good. So damn good. To feel this happy. This content.

Work is good. I am doing well. In both jobs. Still a bit new to the second job, but I am loving it. Such a contrast to my first job. I love it. Never really feels like work. A really good choice for a second job.

Life at home is peaceful. I am preparing to move in a bit to a spectacular apartment. One I have been waiting for awhile. Where I can spread out and dig in at home. Dare I say it, grow some roots.

I’ve quit smoking.

I’m getting excited for the holidays.

My sister is coming around and a bit like her old self. We are getting along and actually talking. My niece is happy and worry-limited.

The kitties are happy and well. (on a diet though)

I’m not only paying my bills way on time, but saving for a raining day. (or maybe just to pay for my VW breaks next year)

The lawsuit is coming along from my car accident last year and my wrist that was broken is feeling a bit more normal most days.

The relationship (is it really a relationship, I don’t know, but what else do you call it?) is going well too. It is so strange to be with someone where it is so easy, so nice. No fighting. No stress. No chaos. No questioning everything I say, everything he implies. Just simplicity. I mean, my mom and I went through my scrapbooking stuff to organize and condense so that I wouldn’t have to move a bunch of crap and I came across a load of memories. Pictures and things from my marriage. Cards from my ex and his son. For a bit it hurt, hurt like hell that it didn’t work, but in the end when I really thought about it. It was a good thing. I am so much happier. I hope he is too. I hope he finds a peace too.

How long could this possibly go on? Or do I deserve this after such a crappy year? Does anyone really deserve happiness, peace? Or is it something we make?

I just don’t know.

But I am able to admit. I am scared.

If my life continued like this, with small bumps in the road ahead, I would be okay. I would be able to say I was satisfied with life. Something I never thought I would be able to utter. But it’s so true. I am content. I am at peace. It feels so incredibly good I want to bottle it. And yet, I find myself relishing in it, so much so that that nagging feel wells up at the most inopportune time and brings me insecurity. Insecurities I don’t want to feel or think about. I try to console myself. I want to stay in the moment, if it really does only last a little while longer, I don’t want to have missed it by worrying. But goodness, it can be so hard to quiet that inner voice, the one that doesn’t think it’s possible to be happy.

I was at work the other day and as I come around this corner these two ladies were strolling around with their cart of product. As I ask them how they are doing, the woman starts to place an empty drink on the shelf behind a box. I think I stopped mid How are you and my face just completely slacks into shock and turns into Can I throw that away for you? She had the decency to look guilty. Especially when I took two steps away from her to toss it in the trash. I mean come on!! You have a cart, stash it in there til you see a trash or another person working there. What would this woman do if her kid did this at home? Or at her best friend’s house? I’m guessing this wouldn’t happen. But here is a grown woman, in public, maybe because it wasn’t her home - just leaving a drink wherever she damn pleases?

WHY do people feel this is okay?

Is it really because (as a girlfriend of mine used to say when I was younger) there’s a person for that job?

Are customer service people really supposed to clean up completely after inconsiderate lazy people?

Check out Misguided Mommy for the other side of this conversation. (love you bunches Misguided Mommy, swear, even if you are an unshopper - lol)

I haven’t been blogging for some very good reasons. I have been living too much to have time to blog. Don’t feel I have left you or am ignoring you. Honestly I am constantly blogging in my head. It just never makes it to an actual post.

I start my new (second) job tomorrow morning. I am way excited. (if I wasn’t so damn tired) I am ready. The people are oh so nice and the customers are way different than the ones I deal with at my first job. I think I will actually be able to breath and relax and enjoy working at this job because it is a much more tranquil atmosphere. So much of the focus is centered around helping the customers and not so much task. (oh thank god) Plus I get to forgo the uniform and wear pretty clothes, heels and my make-up will not be in jeopardy of melting off from sweating from running around all idotic like.

The schedule will take some getting used to as I will go from my second job to my first job for a couple of days a week (and vice versa)  but I will be earning my way to have the greatest apartment EVER! If you could see this place, you would know it is SO worth it.

RANDOM STORY -

These four guys came into work last night and were basically looking around all dumb like they just couldn’t find a damn thing. I kept asking if I could help find stuff for them and they kept asking me for things that were right in front of them. They were so nice that I gave up working and decided to walk around helping them shop for stuff. They were in town basically vacationing to get some golfing done. Oh and they wanted beer. After talking to them for fifteen minutes or so, I asked, “Where are you from that you have that wonderful accent?” One of the guys turned to me and said, “Quebec. Do you know where that is?” And for half a beat I drew a blank and knew I would be found out to be stupid because I didn’t know where it was. So to buy myself time, I looked at him and said, “Well I am guessing it is out of this country?” He laughed and then it hit me - “Oh Canada. Dontcha know.” Yes, I totally made fun of the accent and they loved it. Fun guys. I had a great time. How cool is that when I get to meet great people at work? (then again, I meet some pretty awful ones too)

Raindrop (formerly casual guy) has all of a sudden been picking up the pace with spending time with me. I think - and I’m only guessing here - he may actually like me. We went from spending one afternoon/evening together to almost three to four to five afternoons/evenings together. All on his request. I am loving it. Course, I am a total quality time girl. I read this article the other day (and I, of course, believe everything I read) that said the way to tell if he is interested in you is by the times of the day a guy contacts you.I get calls/texts from him all day - mostly early morning on his work breaks and after he gets off of work and now later in the evening. Before it was only random evening times. And I would go days without hearing from him. Now he not only initiates it, but he keeps calling to see me day after day. WOOT! That’s so cool because yes, I like this guy. I have noticed one of the reasons it is so easy with Raindrop is that he and I don’t try to change each other or push our feelings/thoughts onto each other. He has this crazy weird thing about his sheets being made a certain way (the wrong way, mind you) and that he puts his pillows in front of his closet so he has to make his bed before he gets dressed in the morning. When I have discussed this with him he is very adamant about it staying that way. Personally, I find it very entertaining (really, very entertaining), but truthfully I could care less. If it makes him happy WTF do I care? I mean in the long run of things what are the truly important things? He is nice to me. He is incredibly considerate and very subtle in the ways he shows he cares. He is an adult and acts like one (well he is a guy so as much as is possible). He has two jobs and pays his bills (on time) and has goals and ambition. He works his FN ass off and has a work ethic that may very rule my own. He is a nut job about cleanliness (which coincidentally makes me a better person because my place has never been cleaner and he has yet to come over).

Blah blah blah - changing the subject because really, I could go on

I am a complete wacko about Hummus. I haven’t ever realized that there are other people out there who like it. People I know. Yet, the moment I realized I liked it people started coming out of the woodwork. Course I have been talking about it too. I eat it with Wheat Thins or when I am out, Lays potato chips. I actually buy mine at the store because they have this really nice flavor with tomatoes, but I know many people who make their own.

And I am sure there is more, but I am bushed and have to go to sleep now.

I have a couple of things I try really hard to live by (but alas, I am human, and sometimes let them go) that allow my home to be of the upmost cleanliness. Which is basically code for I won’t have to spend more than 10 minutes cleaning for at least two weeks.

• do all the mundane every day tasks (uhm) everyday - this prevents a four hour job of stuff that has piled up and drove me nuts for days on days end
  • things like dishes, putting shoes away, going through the mail
• vacuum it makes any room look better
• do it right the first time - don’t use cheater methods because I end up redoing it anyway
• make my bed - this makes my room look magnificent - and it definitely helps to have nice pretty bed spread and pillow cases

BUT THE BIG TIP OF THE DAY IS

• before I go to wash the towels I clean all the sinks in the house with that wash cloth or towel
  • this prevents using eight million little paper towels or cleaning pads (environmentally sound)
  • I get rid of all the hair and grime at least once a week
  • I don’t have little towels hanging around drying waiting to be washed because they go straight into the washer

Visit We Are That Family to read about other wonderful Works For Me Wednesday ideas (todays edition, if you missed it is about best cleaning ideas)